Category: Old Stuff

Old posts here from 1998 – 2003. Frankly, I’m too lazy to sort them, and I don’t think anyone cares, really.

100 things

Posted on by Eric Brooks

As part of the “Winter Edition” redesign…

Which was interrupted by a Christmas Party, a house inspection, removing a tree that fell on my house (you think I’m making this shit up?), and 2/3rd of the way through reading “Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban” (started this morning and couldn’t put it down. Hey… stop looking so surprised I can read, ok?) and then a print job for a slave driver (she stopped paying me in sex since my last post. hope you’re all happy. I was informed that as long as her site reads “coming soon”, so will I….

I’m thinking of adding that totally retarded meme “100 things about me”.
Continue reading “100 things”

In the words of Dan Quayle: 'I Quite!'

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Dear -e-:

I am so disenchanted this year. Between Emin3m and Britney Spears, I swear I need to blow up a building to get attention these days.

I’ve had it. I’m packing it in.
It’s as though I’m all about selling merchandise for Mattel. Half the clowns out there don’t even look like me… what are they thinking? Do I get royalties???? NOOOOooooooo…. But it’s all about the almighty dollar, right? COUNT ME OUT!

Kris K.
North Pole

Christ on a cracker… here we go again.

Kris… babe….
Is it me, or do you pull this crap EVERY year? Some celebrity out there is the talk of kids everywhere, and you think they’ve forgotten all about you.
Continue reading “In the words of Dan Quayle: 'I Quite!'”

The SHOW has been cancelled

Posted on by Eric Brooks

When a person starts deleting comments and sites in an effort to cover their tracks, and refers to friends of mine as crazy people… it’s time to bring the curtain down.

Lisa Unmasked…. on the next: A N A R C H T I C A!

*****ADDENDUM ********
Actually, upon further conferencing with said accused “Crazy Woman”, I have decided that I will resume discussing this (and all the evidence) to people privately. This is an Attention Troll™ with serious psychiatric problems, and we’ve decided not to share the monstrous amounts of hits we’re all enjoying since the Chris Powers scandal broke out.

Feel free to email me with what I’ve got.
Don’t know my email? Then I probably don’t know you….

Life’s a bitch, Candi.

And even though I’m a dood (with a rather impressive dongle)… so am I. 😀

Happy Birthday! (Hey, I have a 1/365th of a chance I’m right here).

Posted on by Eric Brooks

What the hell is your Birthday, anyway? Register at my “Birthday alarm” account. (Leave the link to yours in my comments)

I re-found this at Judez’ place.
I say “re-found” because Maria mailed it to me, and like a dumbass, I lost it before replying.

Of course, at 37, I find birthdays about as exciting as HAVING a colonoscopy and root canal being done simultaneously… but that’s not the point. :0)

****** ADDED LATER **********************
Heh heh… further proof that a even broken watch is right once in a while…
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KD!!!!! *SMOOCH!*

(It’s a bit of a hack job… but I made this for her last year for her online surprise party.)

****** BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE************
It also turns out that Mr. Fish Innards (aka “Mr. Skarlet”) turns 35 today!
Happy Birthday, good sir.
….and my, what a great first name you have there. :0)

That’s right… even a broken watch is right TWICE a day!

Blondes r smart!

Posted on by Eric Brooks

A Clever Blonde

A young little blonde girl comes back FROM school one evening. She runs to her mom and says:

‘Mommy, today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! That’s good,innit?’

‘Yes darling, very good.’

‘Is that because I’m blonde?’

‘Yes darling, it’s because you’re blonde.’
….-
EXTENDED BODY:
Next day, the little girl comes back FROM school and says: ‘mommy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K ! That’s good,innit?’

‘Yes darling, very good.’

‘Is that because I’m blonde, mommy?’

‘Yes darling it’s because you’re blonde.’

Next Day, she returns FROM school and cries: ‘mommy, today we went swimming, and well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!’

She proceeds to flash her impressive 36D breasts at her mom. ‘Is that because I’m blonde, mommy?’

‘No darling, it’s because you’re 25.’

Clearing the air…

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Somewhere with every thing flying around, there were a few confusing misconceptions.

1) Yvonne the white chick – Uhm, well, not exactly. You’re half-right though. She clarifies it on her site. And if that is not enough, I have exclusive video footage of her and a lucky cane. (courtesy of Dick.)

2) Eric the white chick – Uhm, well not exactly. You’re half-right there, too. Of course when you run INTO someone as catty and petty as me, with a penchant for getting ALL the juicy gossip, it’s a common mistake.

But no, I’m a dood….

See my dongles?

As you were….

Chris Powers II: The spy who stalked me

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Oh yeahhhhh BAY-BEEE!!!!
This week’s brawl is just simply SHAG-A-LICIOUS! You know like all of the good ones… they fester and boil off in a private corner, and finally a catalyst makes it explode in a free for all, and we’re afraid to get our popcorn out of the microwave because God forbid we miss any fun!!!!

For those of you that feel some altercations should “stay private”. Not in the case of a continuing pattern of a predator. Not when a kid is involved. In other words: “Fuck dat noize!!!”. I’m trying to do my job here. Do you mind?

Chris Powers -vs- (well, too many people to name)

Brawl of the WeekSo you all scorned Sara when she kicked Chris off her servers, you just wafted past Robyn’s story in May, and thought Hormonal Bitch was just the coolest site ever, and never asked yourselves “Why was it created?”.

I know all… I see all… I am privy to more information than some of you people deserve! I’m a WebGod, remember?

Rather than (yet another) Chris Powers bashfest, and discuss his gift of making women feel uncomfortable and creeped out, and his uh, attention toward underage girls… I also feel in my Digitally Divine™ being that there is a higher lesson to be learned, so here is the story, and judge for yourselves:

hmmmm…

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Dammit… you people need to ignore those posts below.

Apparently there is some hacker breaking in and writing sappy crap that you people *KNOW* I would never write. I’m evil, I tell you.

Some rather disturbing news is shockwaving across the web this weekend. I’m still doing research here & will tell you all about it later (oh… as if you people don’t ALREADY know by now!)

I have to tread lightly, as it involves at least three people who have gone through great pains to keep secret identities in the past year, and major web top secrets are at stake here.

There’s no such thing as… WHO???

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Dear -e-

I am in third grade.
Robby (who sits behind me in school) says there is no Santa Claus. This ruined my holiday, and I want him dead in the worst way. He says it is my parents buyeing the gifts and pretending it is FROM Santa.

Is this true? Is there really no Santa Claus?

Cindy P.
Roanoke, Virginia

Dear Cindy:
Why do you listen to that jerk in your class, anyway? Isn’t this the same kid who said “Babies come FROM a cabbage patch”????

A few years back, my daughter was your age, and she came home crying because some trailer-trash-welfare-recipient kid told her the same damn thing… I looked her right in the eyes and told her:

“There IS a Santa Claus”.

To this day, I have NEVER lied to my kids.
Continue reading “There’s no such thing as… WHO???”

Proudly powered by WordPress
Creative Commons License
EricBrooks.Com® is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.

Connect