Category: Pure, unadulterated stupidity

Even WORSE than basic stupidity! You have been warned.

911 was an inside job… SANTA DID IT!

Posted on by Eric Brooks

LOOSE SCREWS

It’s FINALLY here!

LOOSE SCREWS is a parody of Zeitgeist and other crappy conspiracy films. Except for the part about Santa being real, I made everything else up.

  • 9/11 was a publicity stunt by Santa to boost Christmas sales in 2001
  • Santa sunk the Titanic posing as Capt. Smith to get famous
  • He’s an Egyptian god named Sentniclausnatut
  • The Bush Administration just jumped in on the 911 bandwagon because it grabbed so much attention
  • Santa Claus is an agent of the Zionists and the NWO, we’re on our way to global slavery and Dylan Avery is just slightly off the mark, and Alex Jones is right!
  • A secret Government site (www.noradsanta.org) PROVES his existence

Like all conspiracies, I start with a conclusion, and work my way backwards and twist and bend the evidence to support my conclusion. And of course, no conspiracy is complete without blaming the Jews for secretly controlling the world.

I’ve already gotten some heat and accused of anti-semitism because of the movie by idiots. Apparently the REAL 9/11 “Truthers”, their links to Holocaust Denial, White Supremacist groups and their accusations of “a Zionist Plot” everywhere is a-ok with them… however, cartoon Jews giving you the finger is NOT COOL and EVIL. *eyeroll* Besides, according to Encyclopedia Dramatica – The Jews really DID do the WTC.

If you hate these lame ‘9/11 Twoofers’ as much as I do, send them my way, and if you see ‘9/11 was an inside job’ posted somewhere, complete the sentence with ‘…AND SANTA DID IT!’

Please people, I need your LUVZ!!!!
Lotsa comments and booyahs, and I will love you forever… even if you hate me (but, why would you want to do that?).

Parents of MySpace hoax victim seek justice

Posted on by Eric Brooks

‘No apologies’ over teen who hanged herself over failed romance, kin say

“She was too young for a MySpace account” – Yeah yeah yeah. That’s not the point. The parents aren’t blaming MySpace.

“You have to monitor your kids’ online activities” – Great advice, but irrelevant as the parents *WERE* monitoring  her activities and even warned her that not all is what it seems on the internet.

How about the fact that an ADULT made a fictitious account to play head games with a child? Am I the only one who thinks the “mother” responsible should have a psychiatric evaluation… ESPECIALLY when you consider she has NO remorse for what she did whatsoever?

Why do people listen to Alex Jones?

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Wow. The Right Wing had me fooled all along.

All this time I thought they hated Michael Moore for his anti-gun “Bowling for Columbine” and his anti-war “Fahrenheit 9/11“, and his pro-socialized medicine “Sicko“.

Well, get this, according to Alex “The New World Order is Coming!!!” Jones, Michael Moore is part of the conspiracy to “Help President Bush cover up his crimes” by not doing enough to uncover the “911 Truth”, and candy coats it by making Bush look like an idiot that can’t string a coherent sentence together with an administration of incompetents.

No. Really. See for yourself…

Have you seen his Alex Joneses new movie, Endgame yet? OMFG!!! He seems to pull the same tactic he does with Moore in the clip above. For two hours you can sit there and watch him stand outside a Bilderberg conference, go “what are they talking about in there?”, and then fill in the gaps with absurd conspiracy theories where only the weak-minded can possibly swallow this bullshit.

All this time, I thought “Farenheit 911” simply wanted to explain to the public how we went from 9/11 to Afghanistan to a war with a country that had nothing to so with it, at a time when 70% of the public was CONVINCED Saddam Hussein was involved.

One step at a time, conspiracy man… you still haven’t convinced me that David Rockefeller wants to destroy 80% of the world, eliminate the United States, form the North American Union and live forever when he looks like he’s going to keel over any day now!

On the plus side, according to him, the NWO has already “ordained” Hillary Clinton as the next President of the United States of Amer North American Union… thereby saving me the trouble of standing in line for three hours next year voting for her.

Well all you Right Wing pundits that pretended to hate Michael Moore while he secretly served our Overlords in the New World Order…

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me…. uh… I wont get fooled again!

Falwell is dead. Long live Phelps.

Posted on by Eric Brooks

And the fearmongering, hate and intolerance lives on. Look at this video by this guy “rejoicing” (his words) over the Virginia Tech massacre.


Westboro Church Pastor Is Insane – Watch more Funny Videos

If it isn’t soldier’s families…. it’s gay murders that makes headlines, or any ol’ death will do for him and his band of loons.

Whatever happened to “God is Love,” anyway?

This guy makes me sick.
(Hat tip to AlZ @ Problem Adults for finding this.)

How much is that decoy in the window?

Posted on by Eric Brooks

I have nothing against hunters. But I think “drunken hunter mishaps” are the funniest!

Oh deer! Tipsy hunter bags ranger’s decoy
Last autumn rangers in Delaware Water Gap National Recreation area were running a deer decoy operation near the cemetery along Zion Church Road in the southern end of the park when a man drove up in a pickup truck, stopped in the middle of the road, and shot at the ranger’s decoy white-tail deer from inside the vehicle. He was charged with illegal hunting, driving on a suspended license, and open beers. He had a 075% blood alcohol level. Oh, and he missed the decoy deer.

For more great stories about the Poconos, come check out Monroe Messenger, by one of the Pocono Record’s finest reporters (ever!), William Doolittle. (And welcome him to the blogging neighborhood!) 😀

Why I’ll probably never work for another candidate or take advertisers.

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Simply put, I’m a snarky, sarcastic, jaded bastard.

I value my All-American rights to free speech and voicing my opinions… regardless of who I piss off. (Don’t get me wrong, I realize I am a reflection of my employers to a certain degree, so I *DO* exercise a certain level of responsibility and accountability in all I do and say). But I despise having to self-censor myself.

Oh and did I forget to mention that I helped make websites and strategies for two campaigns? One Republican and one Democrat. Both were facing major hurdles as underdogs but in the end, they won in landslides.

Yes, this is why some of us colorful web personalities are hired by candidates. Though we have a ton of skeletons in our archives, we’re incindiary, controversial, riveting and damned good at what we do in commanding attention.

Which brings us to the “Brawl of the Week” (hat tip to Wulfgar).

John Edwards, Amanda Marcotte & Melissa McEwan -vs- Michelle Malkin, William Donohue & The Fighting 101st Keyboarders

The Plot: Right Wingers dig up dirt from the archives of Pandagon and Shakespeare’s Sister and demand Edwards fire his bloggers for their content.

The Review: Manufactured outrage by people with skeletons in their own closets who would never vote for Edwards anyway… so why even listen to them? Continue reading “Why I’ll probably never work for another candidate or take advertisers.”

Dumb Stories this Week

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Owner: Man tried to hide guitar in pants (AP)
AP – The guitar-shaped bulge in Morgan Conatser’s clothing tipped off a music store owner that there might be a crime in progress. Clifton Lovell, owner of Guitars and Cadillacs on U.S. Highway 71 in De Queen, was talking with a customer last week when he saw Conatser, 29, walking out of the store.

Holiday shoppers keep buying during fire (AP)
AP – An electrical fire that filled a department store with thick smoke didn’t deter holiday shoppers, and firefighters had to block the doors to keep customers from coming in, authorities said.

Court: OK to gossip behind boss’ back (AP)
AP – It’s OK to use derogatory and vulgar language about your superiors in the office as long as it is done behind their backs, a Malaysian court has ruled.

Officers keep record of beautiful women (AP)
AP – Two Swedish border control officers risk disciplinary action for keeping a photo collection of “exceptionally beautiful” women that passed through their checkpoint, police officials said Tuesday.

And probably the dumbest story of all….

MySpace to Purge Sex Offenders
MySpace announced today it will begin searching its 100 million-plus user list for people listed in a national database of sex offenders.

Now you may ask, why do I think that’s dumb? Sure it sounds good at face value, but as it was discussed elsewhere, I have to agree with the Wired article that MySpace is taking the easy way out and giving everyone a false sense of security. Law enforcement could have watched their every move with this new sophisticated technology, but now they’re just kicked out into the darkness to prey elsewhere.

And what’s stopping the predators from coming back under fake names and addresses? Not MySpace’s problem. MySpace “at least did something about the problem”, remember?
Out of sight, out of mind.

And of COURSE sickos will respect their Terms of Service and not come back. Surely they’ll follow the rules… right?
Way to go, MySpace!

UH OH!

There is no 9/11 conspiracy, you morons!

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Rather than me coming up with something wild and far-fetched (Like how assholes in New York can *honestly* believe I’m divorced and no longer seeing or supporting my children… you know the ones I stayed home from work and picked up from school today?), I bring you another nutty conspiracy theory skillfully debunked by the man I want to be when he grows up: MADDOX….

[There is no 9/11 Conspiracy, you morons]

You see… as long as the Democrats allow lunatics to continue spouting stuff like this, and not disavow them… they will continue to lose and wonder why people use the term “The Looney Left”. With the mid-term elections coming up, and no doubt Terrorism will be the number one topic and ace in the hole for Fox “News” types, we can’t afford to lose this one.

These nutjobs and conspiracy theorists do NOT speak for me. Go take your “Illuminati” fairy tales someplace else.

Satan is my co-pilot!

Posted on by Eric Brooks

I lived a pretty fun life.

For all intents and purposes, it’s over (Hell, according to the Death Clock, I died back in the late 90’s). So, being bored out of my wits lately, the question is… “CAN I die?”

There’s this one turn I take on the way home. It’s sharp around the mountain and I aim straight for it at 70 MPH (If a cop is reading this, that was a typo. I meant to type “25 MPH” like the sign posted says). 😀

Just beyond the metal divider is this ravine… straight down.

Each night I think to myself “This is it….”
… closer….
…… “Here we go”
…. *deep breath. Braces myself* ….

Then, this reflex comes out of nowhere… my body jerks and I suddenly defy the laws of physics and make the turn.

What.the.fuck?
Someone (or something) wants me to live.
I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s something cruel and evil.

I’ll try skydiving with my hands duct taped with boxing gloves on next. Let’s see what happens to me there. *neener*

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Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.

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