Life is a never ending river flow. Sometimes the course can become dangerously erratic; Sometimes it’s filled with obstacles like rocks and fallen trees; Sometimes it reaches an ‘end’ with a really large drop, where it continues again.

Every time I watch this video, I get a new message out of it. Well more like the same message, but a different emphasis here and there… life doesn’t stop with your sorrows and it doesn’t care about your feelings, or what you think is “fair”. Obstacles are meant to be bypassed or broken, and you are meant to grow stronger through it all, and keep going.

I’ve had critics call me ‘phony’, based on my online persona. I see me more as ‘fluid’, and will change, adapt, and flow as the situation suits me. Maybe I feel differently about something as I did six months ago, maybe my perspective on a topic or a person has changed. It is the key to growth, survival, and longevity. I’m still who I am at the core, and those close enough to me can see that.

You may get a different message though. This was my interpretation.

Welcome to the RMS Titanic MySpace.
As you can see, many MySpace bloggers have become disenchanted with the state of affairs here. It may be fixed. It may not. Many of your favorite bloggers have set up blogs elsewhere, and I recommend you to do the same.

Some tips to survive the impending MySpace implosion:
1. DO NOT LEAVE MYSPACE! How will people find you? Do you think I would be on MySpace if people surfed my website without someone telling them where to go?
2. Use the status stream to pimp out your blog.
3. Post a blog here with the comments off, and just a link to your offsite blog (a trick the old timers here did a lot).
4. Bookmark the following blogs listed below.
5. Or… follow them on your Yahoo and Google pages with Black Rose’s simple tutorial using their RSS feeds…

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If you have any new or updated ones, please Contact me here or via Twitter, MySpace or Facebook.

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You know, I thought this was the stupidest song I ever heard when this came out.

Of course this was the 21 year old “romantic 80’s Eric” talking. He thought a single stemmed rose and having “She Walks in Beauty” memorized and able to recite it on command was the ticket to a woman’s heart.

No wonder I spent so much time alone.
My hand and I sort of became an item, and went steady after a while.

It took a bit of life lessons to realize being a romantic and “any ol’ girl will do”, just isn’t the way.

(I laugh watching these “Hopeless Romantic” types leaving graphics to women all over the place here. It warms my heart to know there are men just a little more clueless than I am. These guys don’t love a woman. They’re just in love with LOVE. )

A woman wants to be seen for who she is. Loved for who she is. Sometimes even despite who she is…

You need to SEE her.
You need to notice the unique things that make her who she is… and love her for it.

I see so many relationships fail because of ones selfishness (I could
write a book on what NOT to do there!). Fear too. Fear breeds some of the
ugliest things out of human beings, and it wreaks havok on your love
live. Irrational jealousy, distrust, your overactive imagination running away with
you… add that with the selfishness of expecting someone to be more
than who they are, or what you thought they should be. Thinking of nothing but “what’s in it for me?”. Seeing what they do as some sort of reflection on you… well, you wont
last very long on that path.

Ever meet someone who got so ugly after all the flowery “I love you”s, to getting annoyed and angry because they expected something out of you or thinking they should get something out of it for what they’ve done from “the goodness of their hearts”, despite previously saying otherwise?

Did they really love that person…?
Or were they just “bartering” like it was some kind of business arrangement?

Love should come with no expectations. No strings attached. No scores being kept.

A heart can’t be bought, or earned, or seized. It can only be given. Love is all about giving. When you get it back, you are the luckiest bastard in the world.

A few things I’ve learned along the way these past 44 years.

Anyway, back to this stupid song…

Someone once said “Sorry, but you’re stuck with me”, and it took all of my worries and concerns of losing her right out of me. My ex used to say all the time “You’re like an old shoe, Eric. That’s why I keep you around. I’m comfortable with you.”

Consistency.
Security.
Stability.

Women want that too.

As the Lord of Chaos/God of Mischief… this has probably been my hardest lesson to learn to this date. I fear routine and boredom. I’m usually at my best when all hell is breaking loose. I’m not happy unless everything around me is going terribly wrong. I find comfort and order amidst the madness and mayhem. The joy in someone else’s pain and misery… turning negative energy into something positive. Count on me to fuck up or sabotage just about anything with my nihilistic mindset.

Fortunately there are other sides to me, and I can work on this.

We’ve had our doubts, but we never took them seriously
And we’ve had our ins and outs, but that’s the way it’s supposed to be
We thought about giving up, but we could never stay away
We thought about breaking up, but now we know it’s much too late
And it’s no great mystery
If we change our minds
Eventually, it’s back to you and me

~ “Stuck With You” – Huey Lewis & the News

This is love. This is the sum of all good relationships.
Ups and downs. Good times and bad times.
Partners in life going through all sorts of things and emerging stronger for it instead of giving up, and learning something new about one another. Closer than ever.

Being comfortable with each other. Stuck with each other.
And being happy they’re stuck with you, too.

I remember a friend commenting “I want a man I can feel comfortable peeing in front of.”

I volleyed back by stating that “being allowed to fart in front of someone is considered a milestone in my relationships.”

Sure, we grossed everyone else out… but we got it.

It took me a long time… but I finally get this one too.
I finally get this song and what it means too.
It’s the next step after the romance and the honeymoon phase.
It’s about being with someone and enjoying them.
Let go of the fears and doubts… You are with each other because you CHOOSE to be.

It’s that simple…

No long stemmed roses or Lord Byron necessary.

This time, around five years ago (June, 2005), I saw the Web Blogosphere dying a slow, painful death and realized Web 2.0 was all headed toward Social Networking, so I got together with a bunch of like-minded individuals to save our Web Presence and came up with a Community called…

And it was a WONDERLAND! We had an arcade, we had goofy adventures in the message board, newsfeeds, promoting each other, Saturday Night Chats, an AI Bot that greeted newcomers (and we all flirted and tried to corrupt her), fake celebrity profiles… anything went as our imaginations ran wild.

We had… FUN!

MySpace? Well that was for kids. My children had accounts here for years and I felt I was stepping on their toes and didn’t want to invade their territory (in fact, my then-13 year old daughter showed me how to make myspace layouts). But I saw celebrities with websites like Tommy Lee, Dave Navarro, and Bobbi Billard making the jump here and using this as a promotional tool… bringing themselves to the masses, and I thought “What the hell”.

Anyway… this isn’t even the point.

Look, I know I’m a prick, okay? I know I have a mean streak a mile wide, and I tend to get into mischief (did I mention I’m a PROBLEM ADULT?). I’ve been reviled on the web, I’ve had my share of fuck-ups that people never let me live down for YEARS, I’ve been shunned, and insulted, and blacklisted by the BEST… there’s also a WHOLE OTHER side of me that somehow leaks through in all I do. A good side, a kind and compassionate side. I am a nice buncha guys… but I try to keep much of “me” hidden from public view.

So, I guess I have a thicker skin than most of the so-called “hardcore e-thugs” here that can’t seem to get past someone here not liking them or poking at them. Much of what I see around here from the “Drama Club” is a bunch of whiny insecure crybabies pretending to be badasses, and I am baffled at some of the things that freak people out/sets them off that they have to go to the lengths that they do to defend their cyber honor.

You need to comment under someone in every status and every every blog to let them know you don’t like them? REALLY?

You need to make everyone around you uncomfortable because they are a friend of someone you don’t get along with and you fear betrayal? SERIOUSLY????

… and my personal favorite… (and the actual point, I know, I know…)

You are up in arms because someone you thought was your friend had some negative observation about you????

OK, listen Chuckles… here is how the REAL WORLD works.

We all form opinions about EVERYONE here. You get to know people. You like them, even though some things about them can grate on your nerves sometimes. No one is perfect, and they have many sides to them. Even some of the most LOATHSOME people I have “met” online, I can find something good to say about them if I try hard enough. There’s none of this “unconditional love”/”Say nothing but good about me” crap. Anyone looking for that is bound to be disappointed very soon (and you know you can’t do it either… ya just never got caught yet.). I watch idiots vouch for and defend people they barely know around here all the time… and they look like they are merely lying and covering for them, or a bunch of sniveling sycophants.

Normal, well-adjusted people don’t just stop liking someone or stop being their friend because of someone’s say-so or some dumb scandal… unless they are as misanthropic and paranoid as the retard that brought the drama out into the public.

And the people that save their negativity for when they no longer like the person? Well anyone with a brain is watching them going “Gee, I wonder what they REALLY think of ME?”.

And the people that can beam over you one minute and then rag on you like you are the biggest piece of shit the next…? Oh hell no! Do you really want to be involved with someone THAT freakin’ unstable???

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I will admit, that in many arguments online, I see a lot of truth in what’s being said about someone… regardless of how much I like/dislike the parties involved. That’s not an “act of betrayal”… it’s just being realistic. Learn from it, take what you can out of it… stop fucking whining and acting like your dead cat was dug up and molested. If there’s no truth to it, and it’s THAT absurd, laugh it off. Most of us know bullshit just being said to rile someone up when we see it. Who gives a rat’s ass what a bunch of strangers has to say and think?

It seems like “Genuine and Sincere” is a codeword for “Someone who blows sunshine up my ass and tells me I’m wonderful”. And “Keeps it Real” is the polar opposite, “Someone who hates everyone with pure bile and negativity”.

Who the fuck wants to get close to people like that??? (Besides a Therapist?)

Guerrillero put it best the other night when he said “I like a whole bunch of you, but I wouldn’t invite you to my home“. That’s kind of how I feel about everyone too. I’m not looking to forge solid lifelong friendships on MySpace to fill some pathetic void in my real life… I’m here to be entertained and have some light hearted fun.

There is way more to all of us than meets the eye.

Let’s just keep it at a respectful distance and emotionally detached from now on, ok?

And if you have an issue or two with some of my behavior, well… I’m ok with that… and vice versa.

In the event that some earth-shattering drama blog were to ever come out with some shocking revelation, hoping to sway public opinion against me, let me give you my response ahead of time…

“Yeah? Aaaaaand….? WHO FUCKING CARES?”

I’m a mean spirited bastard. What’s the surprise here? The thing is, people will still love me more than you, trust me more than you, and I will still draw a crowd… AND you will STILL be a moron that is despised for good reason. So there.

Top Story:

JOKO’S BLOG DIDN’T RANK YESTERDAY

Schmeattle, WA (AP) – MySpamous Celebrity, Joko, was distraught yesterday as he checked MySpace Top Blogs section all day, hoping for news about his four page blog and it’s place in the rankings… only to find out MySpace was stuck on yesterday’s ranks all day long.

“I clicked the link over and over, I don’t understand,” he tells reporters as he begins frothing at the mouth. “I thought okay, maybe it will be up now, or maybe later, AND I KEPT GOING TO THE GODDAMNED PAGE AND THERE WAS NOTHING!”

“No *click* NO! *click* NOOOO! *click* NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!”

His blog, titled “Why don’t you people comment my crappy videos any more? It’s Bad Lisa and Eric Brooks’ fault, isn’t it? *HIC*“, was expected to show up in the top ten, given the large volume of visitors and comments to see how Internet Royalty will react to his temper tantrum and gift of blaming others for just about everything wrong in his life.

When assured by the owner of his liquor store, as he commandeered his laptop, that perhaps it was just a glitch and it will be up tomorrow, Joko retorted: “DON’T YOU SEE? ALL OF MY COMMENTS WERE FROM 2 DAYS AGO! IT WONT RANK AS HIGH!!!! ARRRGHH!!! YOU JUST DON’T GET IT!!!!!”

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JIM N.A.A. COMMITS MYSPACE SUICIDE; NO ONE NOTICES

East Bumfuck, N.C. (AP) – MySpace blogger Jim n.a.a., best known for deleting all members of MANtana and RSS off his friends list in outrage (but no one realized it), and writing blog after blog bitching about various MySpace personalities (that no one bothered to read), deleted his profile this week. We thought we should tell you since no one has asked about him, and this most likely went unnoticed in the blogging community.

NAA leader Hulia, flanked by top officials, Viriato, Guerrillero, and Mike, was quoted as saying: “We have been made blissfully unaware of this event and wish to extend our deepest apathy to the readers and fans of… wait. Who????”

No memorial has been planned for ol’ Melon Head as most of MySpace just carried on as though nothing happened and there’s no point in mentioning this any further.

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SCIENTISTS MAY HAVE DISCOVERED OSHAY’S PENIS

Sacramento, CA (AP) – NANOLABS®, a micro technology research firm may have finally developed an electron microscope powerful enough to see Oshay “Pee Wee” Duke Jackson’s genitalia.

Richard Smalls, director of NANOLABS® research and development, demonstrated to a tiny member of reporters on hand.

“Waiiiit… there it is,” Smalls says as he focuses, “I think”.

“Nope, almost got it… wait… it’s. Hang on.”

“There it is! I see it! LOOK!”.

Hopes were dashed as it turned out to be a pencil waved in front of the lens as a prank by a colleague.

NANOLABS® CEO, Holden Littlewood, assures the public that they will not give up hope, and will continue their research.

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ADVICE COLUMN “ASK ERIC”

I’m not sure why Harry Fox chose to delete my comment on his blog yesterday, but it is rare when I give any of my MANly wisdom or advice, so here it is again.
TAKE HEED, GENTLEMEN…

I’m a jerk. But you love me anyway. Admit it.

There is something people don’t understand about me, and they have to in order to truly know me.

I NEED to believe.
I NEED to see the world and all of its mysteries with a child-like awe and amazement.
I NEED to believe all things are truly possible.
I NEED to believe in magic and other unexplained forces at work without looking at it too close.

It is essential to my creative process and ability to tap into something deep inside me to make my own magic in all that I do. This is what works for me. I suspect it’s the same for many creative types.

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In the Summer, I find myself drawn to lightning storms and wander outside to face it unprotected.

I draw from the sheer power and rage of Mother Nature, making it my own. I know how She feels. It’s OUR fury She is acting out.

I don’t feel the cold rain, the howling winds, or even fear being struck… I let go and trust Her not to hurt me.

I just let go… AND BELIEVE.
At some points in my life, blind faith was all I had to go on….
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An email I get every year from a friend, and it brings a smile to my face. There’s a story behind it. There is a magic in the air this time of year that I have no desire to look too close at it. I just appreciate it. I shared the story on a message board and fully expected people to think I was insane. The response was surprising and unexpected…

On several Christmas Eves, in the middle of the night, I found myself wandering out to the middle of the streets. Much like I do during lightning storms. It’s as if I was being called, and my body had no choice but to obey.

There is no religious significance to it. The settings were just right. The stillness, the quiet, the lights, the starry skies and the snow all around me. The animals foraging for food in the woods quietly. The peaceful souls sleeping comfortably, the excitement and anticipation of dreaming children of what is about to come. The energy of all living things around me…

In the middle of the quiet road, I’d close my eyes and draw from it all… Opening myself. Connecting. Becoming one with everything. Becoming something larger than myself, or the world around me, even the universe surrounding it…

And then I’d hear it.

I’d hear the music that was calling for me.
Not quite human voices… it’s way too high pitched, possibly out of human frequency.
A beautiful melody that can’t be described with words or explain the joy and tranquility it gives you. The tears you formed from the beauty of it all…

You can’t experience these things unless you keep yourself open to them. This is why I NEED to believe.
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Anyway, one friend on that message board had to share this with me. She told her husband about my story, and he froze. He was a musician. A very spiritual man. Tears welled in his eyes.

He said “I’ve heard that music too. I thought I was the only one and was afraid to tell anyone thinking I was crazy”.

“I hope you hear the music again this year, Eric…”
Every year she drops me a note in my inbox to remind me.

I hope you all can hear that music at least once in your lives…
All the best to you and yours.

Imagine waking up and finding out a whole country hates you…

Welcome to my world. I mean, I’m used to whole social networking sites deciding I’m a jerk (and yeah, I ask for it most of the time), but a whole country?

I wake up one morning and take a harmless Facebook Quiz (which are ALWAYS 100% accurate) to get this result:

Well screw me sideways! Are you kidding me? 🙁

*sigh* As an American, you’d think I’d be used to this. Ever since the internet age, I’ve been constantly bombarded with messages by nasty foreigners who can’t stand us. Let’s face it… YES, we (Americans) are loud and obnoxious… and we LOVE a good war! Especially the ones where we’ll kick your 3rd world ass in 5 days or less.

Most of these countries are just asking for it… and their only saving grace is we can’t find most of them on the map yet… so keep running your mouths, ok?

Now I haven’t contacted the State Department over this insult (YET!!!). After seeing that the Swiss are basically armed with…

… I’m pretty sure I can take this country over with my daughter’s Girl Scout troop.

Why hasn’t anyone else ever thought of taking over Switzerland and giving them a swift kick in their Liederhosen? Bastards.

I found this while researching my new enemies….

I can’t believe they needed to post some disclaimer “Please note that this is a comedy sketch, the KitH are not really sick of the Swiss.”, are these people THAT whiny? That didn’t stop the FLOOD of anti-American rhetoric in the comments.

Funny thing is… the Kids in the Hall were CANADIAN.

Yeah, we’re used to that too. Canada is like the 12 year old kid living in the floor above you starting shit by throwing water balloons out the window, but the soaking-wet & angry people come to US on the first floor because they’re just too pissed off and lazy to think.

(This, of course, makes Central & South America as living in our basement. A very crowded basement… filled with every Hispanic stereotype and joke you can come up with in the comments… but I digress…)

I’m currently searching for Switzerland on Google Maps, scanning through Southeast Asia trying to get a lock on them. And when I do…YOUR ASS IS MINE, SWITZERLAND!

BONUS: Challenge by C.C.

(Sung to the tune of “My Favorite Things”)

Chocolates, and Zurich, and fake Rolex watches…
I wanna kick all the Swiss in their crotches…

Swiss Miss can play with Geko’s ding-a-ling…
These are a few of my least favorite things…

Aren’t they supposed to be a ‘Neutral’ Country?
What is their PROBLEM with me????

 

We realize most dramas are very hard to follow, and the recent feud between WTF Radio and myself has been no different.

It basically breaks down to the same thing in every long drama that no one really cares about. You have a misunderstanding, a heated argument, escalation, and then tit for tat until someone finally yells “WHO CARES ALREADY!!!”.

So, to make this all simple for everyone, I have decided to break it down in cartoon form. Bear in mind, like all blogs, this is MY side of the story (a/k/a “The GOSPEL TRUTH”). Whatever they’re going to say is not true. Don’t even read them!

This was my proposed “fix” for the situation. Here would have been the part where I would suggest a contest where everyone writes a funny ending to this drama, and we’d all have a good laugh and realize how absolutely stupid this whole thing was, and WTF Radio would be bigger than ever.

Jim and I are good buddies again and I wish him good luck as he re-groups and takes his time to set his show back up.

UPDATED 5/13: I had no idea WTF Radio was going to be up and running this fast… please join Jim and whoever his co-host will be every Monday Night on BlogTalkRadio!!!!

I mean COME ON! Jim, Cookie, S*U*S*A*N*, Bad Lisa, myself, and so many others were using Jack in the Box defaults through this… YOU tell ME how seriously we were all taking this???

So let’s get to THE REAL ISSUE that you all want to talk about…

Why won’t they let me in the Top Bloggers Club here so I can be a Top Blogger too?
WHY??!?!!!?