Eric Brooks, Author at WHUZZUP!

Chris Powers II: The spy who stalked me

Posted on Saturday December 7, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Oh yeahhhhh BAY-BEEE!!!!
This week’s brawl is just simply SHAG-A-LICIOUS! You know like all of the good ones… they fester and boil off in a private corner, and finally a catalyst makes it explode in a free for all, and we’re afraid to get our popcorn out of the microwave because God forbid we miss any fun!!!!

For those of you that feel some altercations should “stay private”. Not in the case of a continuing pattern of a predator. Not when a kid is involved. In other words: “Fuck dat noize!!!”. I’m trying to do my job here. Do you mind?

Chris Powers -vs- (well, too many people to name)

Brawl of the Week So you all scorned Sara when she kicked Chris off her servers, you just wafted past Robyn’s story in May, and thought Hormonal Bitch was just the coolest site ever, and never asked yourselves “Why was it created?”.

I know all… I see all… I am privy to more information than some of you people deserve! I’m a WebGod, remember?

Rather than (yet another) Chris Powers bashfest, and discuss his gift of making women feel uncomfortable and creeped out, and his uh, attention toward underage girls… I also feel in my Digitally Divine™ being that there is a higher lesson to be learned, so here is the story, and judge for yourselves:

hmmmm…

Posted on Saturday December 7, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Dammit… you people need to ignore those posts below.

Apparently there is some hacker breaking in and writing sappy crap that you people *KNOW* I would never write. I’m evil, I tell you.

Some rather disturbing news is shockwaving across the web this weekend. I’m still doing research here & will tell you all about it later (oh… as if you people don’t ALREADY know by now!)

I have to tread lightly, as it involves at least three people who have gone through great pains to keep secret identities in the past year, and major web top secrets are at stake here.

While My Guitar Gently Weeps

Posted on Friday December 6, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

“I feel wonderful because I see
The love light in your eyes.
And the wonder of it all
Is that you just don’t realize how much I love you…”

– “Wonderful Tonight” – Eric Clapton –

Legend has it that my middle name came FROM my (then 15 year old) cousin, Valourie… who was quite the Beatles/Stones/Yardbirds fan…

I’ve always loved Eric Clapton. The man doesn’t play guitar… he makes love to it. He makes it scream out, he makes it gently kiss you like a warm summer breeze…

I was watching VH1 tonight, and “Wonderful Tonight” came on…

My mind just drifted back 10 years ago, when Carole & I were first married. We were struggling & expecting our first child together. A classic rock station played in the warehouse I was working in, and I always thought of her when that song came on. What she was doing, was everything okay, you know, sappy newlywed stuff like that.

It kind of became “our song”.
Well, except that I never told her about it.
There’s probably a lot of things I should have shared with her over the years… but I just can’t seem to articulate some of the things that go on in my head sometimes.

Hell, I have no idea what I’m trying to say here…

Tonight was the first time I heard that song since, and I was pulled back to the present by my 5 year old, who shakes me and asks “Daddy, why are you crying?”

There must have been something in the rug irritating my eye.
Yeah that’s it.

There’s no such thing as… WHO???

Posted on Thursday December 5, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Dear -e-

I am in third grade.
Robby (who sits behind me in school) says there is no Santa Claus. This ruined my holiday, and I want him dead in the worst way. He says it is my parents buyeing the gifts and pretending it is FROM Santa.

Is this true? Is there really no Santa Claus?

Cindy P.
Roanoke, Virginia

Dear Cindy:
Why do you listen to that jerk in your class, anyway? Isn’t this the same kid who said “Babies come FROM a cabbage patch”????

A few years back, my daughter was your age, and she came home crying because some trailer-trash-welfare-recipient kid told her the same damn thing… I looked her right in the eyes and told her:

“There IS a Santa Claus”.

To this day, I have NEVER lied to my kids.
Continue reading “There’s no such thing as… WHO???”

Dayzed & Confuzed: The Christmas Edition

Posted on Thursday December 5, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Sweeeeet!

Everybody go run over to Maria, and tell her the new Christmas look that we waited all week for… ROCKS!

Great job, babe!

My, that’s an impressive erection in Rockefeller Center, if I do say so myself.

Posted on Wednesday December 4, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

We’re all watching the Christmas Tree lighting on TV at this moment, waiting for my son’s godmother’s son to perform (He’s staying at his mom’s house in Maspeth this week… I’ll sell any Brian Setzer fans her phone number for the low, low price of $50 each. Sure I’ll hear about it later FROM my in-laws, but hey… a buck is a buck.)

Moreso, we just saw on tv that the tree is FROM our own Mr. Rizzo…

Quite the mogul here in Anarchtica, owner of our community, partner in Tom Ridge’s parting legacy for Pennsylfuckingtucky: The Mountain Laurel Arts Center, and unveiling plans for an even bigger community.

Imagine the effects of some power-hungry despot forming an unholy alliance, in my quest to make Anarchtica the SIXTH borough of New York City?

Just a polite reminder to the gentile citizens of CyberTown…
I AM EVERYWHERE YOU, FUCKERS!!!!!
THERE IS NO ESCAPING MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE (and my connections)!!!!!!!

Thanks for your time. :0)

Ask the Magic Dongle

Posted on Wednesday December 4, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Wow. Dongles are not only appearing everywhere, but they’re smarter than we originally thought.

Angel has a DONGLE that answers questions too!
(Click on “Ask Dongle!” on the bottom left)

Welcome, all of you, searching for Wet T-Shirt pics. The posts you’re looking for is here and here. (All I need to do now is get Terrifica in a wet t-shirt, and I’ll be back up to 1,000 hits a day in NO time!)

Hunting update: AWWWW… COME ONNNN NOWWWW!!!!
The deer are fucking cheating!

That’s it…. tomorrow: HAND GRENADES.

I love waking up to the sound of gunshots in the morning!

Posted on Monday December 2, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

At first, I jolted out of bed. Thinking this was all a bad dream, and I was safe at home in Brooklyn….

But then I realized this was even better:
So loooong suckers! IT’S THE FIRST DAY OF HUNTING SEASON!!!!
WOOHOO!!!!

That’s right… here in Pennsylfuckingtucky, it is the time honored traditional holiday of “Buck”. Sure kids have to go to school on Veteran’s Day, or when there’s 22 feet of snow on the ground, but all schools, and most municipal facilities are closed today, so kids can enjoy themselves by going out with their dads and busting a cap in a deer’s ass!
Continue reading “I love waking up to the sound of gunshots in the morning!”

When worlds collide…

Posted on Sunday December 1, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Jeesus!!!??!!??

When the heck does a cyberworld, work, and personal life hit all in one spot to anyone else?

From Today’s Pocono Record:
Jeff Huffert of CB Gifts was up almost all night making fresh treats for the sale. His booth featured hand-made colored white chocolate pops, boxed sets and centerpieces shaped as Santa’s sled, all edible.

JEEEZ!
As you know, Jeff was here for thankgiving. Also crashed here this weekend. I feel sorry for the poor bloke…

He’s currently employed by a SLAVE DRIVER who made him work all friday night to make chocolate pops and chocolate Christmas houses.

I know his boss all too well. Rumor has it that she’s paying her graphic designer with sexual favors to build her a website… not that there’s anything wrong with that. ;0)

It’s worse than I thought…