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Moving on to bigger and better things…
It’s probably too late to mention this, but if you’re planning on coming up for The Pocono 500, don’t bother. It’s raining really bad and everything has been cancelled until probably Monday.
To the NASCAR fans who are already here, I have been asked to kindly remind you to keep your campers, pickup trucks, and motor homes as far off to the side of the road as possible… and please place all of your empty beer cans in the proper receptacles. Don’t think of the rain as an obstacle… but rather as an unexpected opportunity to bathe this week.
Thank you.
So please take the following tips FROM your Friendly Neighborhood WarMeister™:
Kindly read the previous post before giving me your “bad karma” bullshit. The high holy Imam Eric® has declared a Fatwa (holy war), and bad karma will come to those who sit idly by as good people in our community are abused by cruel outsiders.
Thank you. Remember to tip your waitress on the way out.
It must be the warm weather which wakes the neanderthals out of hibernation, as they come dragging their knuckles out of their caves and in our faces.
Yeah, I’m referring to Kat’s tormentor. That asshole, TGO. (I think it either stands for “Totally Gutless One” or “The Gay Orifice”, who knows.)
Nothing spells “pathetic loser” like a guy that has to fabricate his own hate mail, or have a forum where he starts topic after topic that no one bothers to read, much less give a shit about. He claims to have this army of fans. I believe if there were such people retarded enough to adore this mental midget, they’d all be illiterate, and stumbling on big words like “the” or “dog”.
I feel for ya, TGO. Adoring fans with a second grade reading level make for a shitty fan base on the web. (If I’m losing you here, I CAN type slower.) Personally, I think if you don’t count your right hand, your so-called “army of fans” would total to exactly ZERO. Yeah, I got you pegged, asshat.
I think we should kick off the summer festivities by declaring open season on this asshole for torturing a woman who’s already in a great deal of pain.
Sure it’s like shooting fish duct-taped to the wall at point-blank range, but I have nothing better to do. And I really need his three hits a day, and all the anonymous posts this lamer is going to try and pull. Though I really doubt Turd Grabbing Oddball has the balls to take on an able-bodied man, that will probably put a size-11 foot up his ass if I’m ever down his way on business.
He calls it “Freedom of Speech”, where I come FROM it’s called “Harrassment and Menacing”.
He’s a funny guy.
But looks aren’t everything.
I’ve been a bit reflective today.
I’ve been doing this page since April of 1998. There was no Blogger. In fact, there were no blogs. There were journals, and “what’s new” pages HAVING to adapt or die like a dinosaur. I’ve seen people come, I’ve seen them go.
I’ve seen people learn the hard way that “freedom of speech” comes with a price. I’ve seen people complain of the “popular crowd”. I’ve seen the elite and the most despicable fall, and fall hard. I’ve seen people shattered to find that a sick person never existed. I’ve seen those stay silent about their maladies and/or tragedies. I’ve seen knee-jerk posts which the writer wishes they had never written. I’ve seen the unbelievably judgemental who can’t place themselves in someone else’s position. Employers and judges have read some people’s most innermost thoughts in public. Blind hatred. Mob mentality. Ignorance. People fired. People divorced. People alienated. People banned. People sued. People whose very lives have been destroyed.
Continue reading “Beyond the scope of words”
LAYER ONE:
Name: Eric a/k/a -=e=- a/k/a gOdOfMiScHiEf a/k/a Rik Havyk a/k/a LoKi a/k/a Astaroth a/k/a Vortex of Mischief
— Birth date: ) 08/23/65
— Birthplace: BROOKLYNZ IN DA HOUWZE!!!!
— Current Location: Poconos, PA
— Eye Color: Ice Blue
— Hair Color: What’s left is Mousy Blond
— Height: 5′ 8″
— Righty or Lefty: Writes left, does everything else right
— Zodiac Sign: Leo/Virgo
LAYER TWO:
— Your heritage: White Trash/Devil. I dunno. I’m kinda mixed.
— The shoes you wore today: I dunno. Same black shoes I wore yesterday?
— Your weakness: HAH!!! Like I’d tell you.
— Your fears: Success
— Your perfect pizza: Must have meat – Sausage, Pepperoni, Meatballs or all of the above.
— Goal you’d like to achieve: To stay a nobody, betray as many people as I can, find a way to make money doing it
LAYER THREE:
— Your most overused phrase on AIM: Damn, I didn’t sign off in time, and you caught me!
— Your first waking thoughts: Where’s my Vivarins?
— Your best physical feature: Well, I suppose if I ever get locked up, my Mick Jagger-like lips will make me quite popular
— Your most missed memory: Like I can remember. Is this a trick question?
LAYER FOUR:
— Pepsi or Coke: Coke. Like duh, okay?
— McDonald’s or Burger King: I’d prefer a Wendy’s Triple, but I’ll settle for a double whopper w/ cheese
— Single or GROUP dates: Group, but if my wife catches me, I’m DEAD!!!
— Adidas or Nike: The cheapest sneakers on the rack at Wal-Mart
— Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: Coke
— Chocolate or vanilla: Butter Pecan
— Cappuccino or coffee: Coke
LAYER FIVE:
— Smoke: Anything cheap & menthol
— Cuss: Moi?????
— Sing: hmmm… maybe.
— Take a shower everyday: It’s June ain’t it? Thanks for reminding me.
— Do you think you’ve been in love: Love is for suckers
— Want to go to college: One of my regrets that I never finished. But it’s too late now.
— Liked high school: Only as a senior
— Want to get married: AGAIN??? Are you chewing on drugs?
— Believe in yourself: Well, somebody has to.
— Get motion sickness: Nope
— Think you’re attractive: Nope
— Think you’re a health freak: hahahahahahaha!!!!!
— Get along with your parent(s): Well, I did.
— Like thunderstorms: BORING. Lightning storms ROCK though. That’s me btw, not my gay-ass half-brother Thor. Don’t listen to him.
— Play an instrument: I hope so
LAYER SIX:
In the past month…
— Drank alcohol: Ew. Barf…
— Smoked: Like, duh?
— Done a drug: Drugs are bad mmmmkay?
— Made Out: Like, with a girl or something? EEEEW!
— Gone on a date: See answer above
— Gone to the mall?: Huh-LOO? I’m an American. Is there any way to avoid a mall?
— Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: Probably
— Eaten sushi: No, but I’d KILL for sushi
— Been on stage: Karaoke count?
— Been dumped: A loser like me? Whaddya think?
— Gone skating: No
— Made homemade cookies: No
— Gone skinny dipping: No. (You’re welcome)
— Dyed your hair: No
— Stolen anything: Even if it was nailed down, bay-bee!
— You sound boring: Fuck you. Your questions suck.
LAYER SEVEN
Ever…
— Played a game that required removal of clothing: Who hasn’t?
— If so, was it mixed company: People yes. Farm animals no.
— Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: Stoned out of my gourd. Heh. Still am. heh heh.
— Been caught “doing something”: Unfortunately. No comment where the witnesses are buried though. Don’t ask.
— Been called a tease: No. They either didn’t notice, or didn’t care.
— Gotten beaten up: Had my ass handed to me more times than I can count.
— Shoplifted: *snort* What do YOU think???
— Changed who you were to fit in: Of course. I become whoever I’m surrounded by.
LAYER EIGHT:
— Age you hope to be married: AGAIN????
— Numbers and Names of Children: 7 Christina,Ashley,Erika,Samantha, Johnny, Puddy & 2-Tag
— Describe your Dream Wedding: I pull this stunt that would make Houdini jealous you see… then I call FROM Canada to ask everyone “how was it?”.
— How do you want to die: In a plane smacking INTO a mountain. Awesome view, fast & painless… it’s perfect.
— Where you want to go to college: Again with the college questions???
— What do you want to be when you grow up: Hah! Like that’ll ever happen!
— What country would you most like to visit: Great Britain would be cool. See where my family came FROM in Liverpool. Understand why they got the hell out of there.
LAYER NINE:
— Number of drugs taken illegally: How many times, or how many kinds?
— Number of people I could trust with my life: 1 (Oh, did you mean besides me?)
— Number of CDs that I own: 4 or 5… I really need to get with the times
— Number of piercings: 1
— Number of tattoos: 0
— Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: My picture was in the NY Post twice, but I don’t think my name was ever in the paper
— Number of scars on my body: can’t count that high
— Number of things in my past that I regret: “Not banging this one… not banging that one…”, moving to the Poconos… the list is endless
Stolen from: Nicole who stole it FROM Laurie who stole it FROM yo mamma, who stole it FROM meegan…. I stole it FROM Rha
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Classic line of the month:
"Blowjobs, I like em, I’m proud of it and I suck in a good way."
What? There can be no comment after that line. I just can’t figure out how I missed it the first time, that’s all.
In lieu of actual content, I thought I’d just regurgitate a comment and make a whole post out of it. (Funny, I was just at Donna’s talking about wanting to do this.)
Some dude named Orion puts in a cameo at Emperor Misha’s joint where he “fisks” a new French ad, tentatively titled:
“Stop picking on us, or we shall get more nasal and snobby”, or something like that.
… starring none other than Woody Allen; Americas favorite inbreeder since Jerry Lee Lewis.
Continue reading “Fuque La France!”
I mean… someone should make a network, call it “BlogBuddies™” or something. There’s enough people out there with my home/work numbers that you can easily find out about me… you know, in case all the people dancing in the streets isn’t enough of a clue.
The Princess™ has an inneresting meme going on: Songs that bring on major life changes. Michele’s playing, so that means all the cool kids have to play… and uhm, me too.
Let me channel my inner-Eminem OMMMMmmmmmmm….
Well, I would imagine that if they ever made Eric Brooks: The Movie, the soundtrack would be incomplete without Play That Funky Music (White Boy). That was me. With all the Brothers and Boricuas in Bushwick.
The BeeGees – Love So Right. It’s a major driving force in me. I decided as a kid, horrified by Barry Gibb whining about this heartbreak, that I would never let anyone that close to me. Ever. If anyone gets that close, I push them away. Love is for suckers anyway.
Continue reading “Soundtrack of your life”
Being the glamorous International Web Superstar™ that she is… she even sings for us on her birthday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOBTHECORGI!!!!! (you nut, you.)
(To think, a little birdie even tipped me off yesterday, and I’m just posting this now. I SO suck!)
Say it with me, people: It was a stupid stuffed bunny, and nobody cares any more.
This is a classic case of at least three sides of a story. There’s person #1 who started a meme, person #2 who is now convinced that they are this horrible person that everyone is mad at…
And there’s my side of the story. Which, as always, is known as the “gospel truth”.
While, yes, it seems at face value that there’s no excuse for person #2 to still be holding on to a passing meme… and the selfish morons are bitching to person #1 about it.
Well, I happen to know that person #2’s life happens to be in shambles right now (it’s not my story to tell, but it’s pretty bad). Perhaps mailing this retarded stuffed animal isn’t top priority in their mind right now. Ya think?
Of course, you can count on the web to be totally devoid of compassion, or sympathy, or even cutting someone a little slack.
Continue reading “Memes and morons”
Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.
