Summer’s here

And the prodigal son comes home…

2Tag comes home
Here’s 2-Tag trying to climb in our windows as he smells dinner cooking. He’s just too cute!

(What were you expecting… a widdle puppy or a kitty cat…ON MY SITE??? That’s it. Fuck you, you’re banned FROM this site for 3 months and two 1/2 days. LEAVE NOW!)
Continue reading “Summer’s here”

Newz you can uze

  • Saddam Hussein Killed for 4th Time– U.S.A.! U.S.A.!!! *waves flag*
  • Move over Wil Wheaton! – There’s a new Trekkie on the block: Captain Christopher Pike is now blogging… (actually LiveJournal-ing… to some retards, there’s a difference. I think. via Wacky Iraqi)
  • See Bush’s Erection! – As reported in Fox News, an Iraqi has proposed a giant golden statue in Dubya’s honor for his liberation of the poor, oppressed, and weaponsofmassdestructionless people of Iraq – BushStatue.Org, go on in the guestbook and tell them what a swell idea this is!
  • DaGoddess is lying! Zander is real… ( or, at least that’s what KayCee is telling everyone, as she jumps to his defense…)
  • Anyone who doesn’t wish Deb Smouse a happy birthday tomorrow is a jerk.
    (and Ashley Richards, too, whoever you are)
  • A bright side to the economy…

    This topic is closed… I’ve decided it’s not worth talking about anymore.

    We’ll resume the “light & fluffy” topics and the no-brainers like “how much of a bigot is trent lott”, or “how much of a poon hound was clinton”, or “how bad can bush butcher the english language” at a later date.

    Real issues have no place here on this site. I thought after I was in the clear, and was able to stop talking in riddles, people would understand the whole CPS situation in this country.

    Instead, I find myself looking at rape victims, driven to tears, insisting that they “didn’t ask for it” to a skeptical crowd with raised eyebrows… and me sympathizing with their frustration.

    Maybe I’m still not talking clearly. I don’t know. Screw it.

    But I can’t waste any more time on a subject no one is interested in.

    For those who missed it, I gave the Democrats a swift kick in the balls, and talked about stuff. I *WAS* going to discuss the May 20th Primary here in the Poconos, and the (even higher) importance of local government in our lives… but that has no place here.

    Yeah. Ok. Light & fluffy coming up.

    Blonde Roots Campaign for peace, or the environment, or something

    I see a very disturbing trend, and I feel it needs to be addressed immediately.

    I’ve given this a lot of thought ever since I was fired an angry letter FROM Ida Slapter, of the activist GROUP Blondes Irritated by Members Bashing Others (B.I.M.B.O.), regarding a joke I cracked about blondes on this site.

    Yeah… ok. Redheads are evil, Blondes are dumb, et cederin. I get it. Stereotypes.

    I am a blond (or at least what’s left of my hair after 11 years of marriage to a “bottle redhead”). okay?

    The stereotype of blondes being stupid. I hate it! I hate it SO MUCH!

    Blonde Jokes offend the hell out of me. The punchlines are laced with so many big words… guess what, asshole?

    I DON’T GET IT!!! THEY’RE NOT FUNNY!!!
    (I should not have to break out a thesaurus to find out what a “Breathalyzer” is, you insensitive prick!)

    Robyn has really brought this situation to a head, as she has kindly asked people to make more “Blonde-Friendly” buttons in their comments. I too have had the bitter experience of writing something, only to press a button that says “HIZAAT SO BIZZATCH”, only to see the window close, and my words gone for ever…

    What if one day, someone posts the cure for cancer on a medical blog and that happens??? WHO’S GONNA SUFFER THEN, YOU CLEVER-ASS BIZZATCH???

    Jewdez, also a blonde (but she went to collidge and speaks Latin so she’s REALLY smart), has taken this INTO consideration by putting very-detailed instructions inside parentheses (bracket-thingys)… I now have an increased 75% chance of getting a comment through on her site. The rest of you who continue to use hard-to-understand terms like “Hizzat so bizzatch”, “Expedite this profound soliloquy”, and “Submit”… suck my dick.

    I propose the world employs more sensitivity to blondes by:

    • Changing “Dumb Blonde Jokes” back to “Dumb Pollock Jokes”
    • Speaking to blondes with the respect, dignity, and monosyllabic words that we truly deserve!
    • Our house/car keys should have our addresses and license plates engraved on them, in the event that unsavory thieves should steal them… now they can be returned them to the rightful owners.
    • That shell you have to peel off of every damn M&M you try to eat… does M&M/Mars think they’re fucking funny???

    This space reserved for BLONDES

    I mean, is it really too much to ask for, that MAYBE you can give us blondes the same consideration that you do OTHER special-interest groups? No one complains about waiting an extra half hour as a passenger is assisted in a wheelchair-accessible bus? (HUH-LOOOO??? They’re ALREADY on WHEELS?!?!?! Put straps on the back bumpers, and charge them half-price! Like, DUH!)

    … or when they put braille on the buttons of drive-thru ATMs…
    (Do I REALLY need to point out what I think is so WRONG and DISTURBING with that picture?)

    We can ignore all the dumb handicapped people of the world… but blondes are all around you. And we have access to curling irons and staplers too. You better take a minute to think about that.

    To SHOW I am VERY serious about this matter, I will throw in my full support to elect Dan Quayle as Pope in 2000! So there. How do you like them apples?

    EricBrooks.Com® – Currently going back to school to become a veterinarian, ‘cuz he really loves children! *giggle*

    But redheads REALLY are evil. It’s true.

    I’m not blogging about you. Really.

    “…hopelessly in love with Eric (though goodness knows why, I mean, been there, done that, and well, let’s just call it performance anxiety shall we). ”
    -Faith –

    Hah hahahahaha!!!! Oh man I feel sorry for that poor g…

    *blink*

    Heeeeeeyyyyyy??!!?!!
    Continue reading “I’m not blogging about you. Really.”

    Mother’s Day Weekend Pt. IV

    This month’s newsletter has gone out the door.

    So look for “[whuzzupdate] Sorry I made you an alcoholic, ma!“, somewhere in your inbox… buried under penis enlargers and generic viagra ads (someone trying to tell me something here?)


    Mother’s Day Weekend IV: The moms strike back
    Continue reading “Mother’s Day Weekend Pt. IV”

    Mefi Re-visited

    Wow… after reading John’s latest post, it sure flooded me with memories.

    Truth be told, I’ve avoided Metafilter like the plague for some time, as it just seems to have become a pit of vipers over the years. People saying things to each other that you know they’d be swallowing their teeth in a real-life situation.

    John’s noted how in a GROUP with 17151 members, I’m like old skewl, yet I’m still a Johnny-come-lately compared to him.

    He wrote some nice things about me, and everyone takes John for granted so I’m gonna reciprocate:

    John Namest – Observant and a cynical as they come. Hilarious poetry on demand. Willing to discuss politics with my boss to a standstill, while the rest of us wussed out. (I could have been fired… but it was a chance John was willing to take.) :0)
    Continue reading “Mefi Re-visited”

    Have we gone nuts?

    There’s got to be some mistake. How on earth can so many countries and so many people feel so strongly against our occupation (oops, I meant to say “liberation”) of Iraq, and yet polls in America strongly support it?

    The world is apparently nuts. We can’t be wrong, right?

    Saudi Arabia has handed us our eviction papers; Turkey wouldn’t let us use their bases for all the money in the world; Russia is constantly nagging us “So, where are the weapons, genius???”, and wouldn’t cave in to the administration’s threatspolite suggestions that “not supporting the invasion wouldn’t be beneficial for future U.S./Russian endeavors”.

    Blair suffers double rebuff as peace-maker – “Mr Blair was taken aback when, at a joint news conference, Mr Putin ridiculed the US and Britain for failing to find weapons of mass destruction – or Saddam Hussein. Russia would not support lifting sanctions until there was ‘evidence’ that the weapons existed, Mr Putin said. He demanded a key role for the UN in post-war Iraq, including the return of its weapons inspectors.”

    We had a war because Bush expected Saddam to PROVE he DIDN’T have weapons of mass destruction. Now we’re in and Rumsfeld feels, after bashing Hans Blix for months, that NOW it’s irrelevant whether we find these weapons or not. Saddam’s gone. Lift the damn sanctions already. Fuck U.N. resolution 1441, or 1401, or whatever the hell it was about the WMD’s.

    Wouldn’t it be a HOOT if Putin made us PROVE something doesn’t EXIST now?

    While we’re at it, I offer a challenge to you atheists out there: Prove there isn’t a God!!!!

    Whatever happened to Hans Blix anyway?

    The Elusive Weapons Of Mass Destruction – “Hans Blix has not been interviewed in the American media since the war began on March 19. However, he gave an extensive interview to the Spanish newspaper, El Pas on April 9 in which he made it clear that the United States’ claim that intelligence sources had proof of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq was doubtful at best. ”

    GASP!!! I can’t imagine why this wouldn’t make the papers in America, could you??? Well, there you go Russia. There’s no WMD’s in Iraq. Can you support lifting the sanctions now?

    I mean, the love us… we set them free, and they’re on the road to democracy – The war is over (except for Iraq) – “Hatred was present in the taunts of the youths goading the American troops face-to-face, calling them “babies” and waving a banner that said “Sooner or later, US killers, we’ll kick you out”. And it was there in the burning eyes of the man outside Fallujah General Hospital, who began bellowing about the “lies of the Western press” and the wickedness of the American occupation after we arrived to see the bloodied victims of the latest US shooting.”

    Oh shit, wait. Don’t click that. I meant to link to the American version where the protesters had militants shooting at the troops, and that’s why they fired back.

    Remember

    I look back at the August 2002 article “Seven Arguments Against Bombing Iraq” – “Besides, an American invasion of Iraq would probably weaken the battle against terrorism. It would not only distract FROM the more immediate threat posed by Osama bin Laden’s Al Qaeda network, but it would also likely result in an anti-American backlash that would lessen the level of cooperation FROM Islamic countries in tracking down and neutralizing the remaining Al Qaeda cells. ”

    Ha! Yeah right! Like THAT is ever gonna happen!

    Note to Bush: We Need the World – What? I thought the United States WAS the world???

    Payback for the Warbloggers?

    “Not like I don’t enjoy the occasional once-a-decade ass kicking like every other red-blooded American, but any administration that starts to make the French look like they have a point is probably irredeemably fucked up.”
    – Reverend Mykeru – War Whores –

    Ah yes… in the past few weeks, Reverend Mykeru has quickly risen to fame as a champion to the people who thought going to war with Iraq was probably not the brightest idea.

    It takes a certain level of hypocrisy to be a warblogger. And you have to pray everyone has a short memory when it’s over. You need to put pictures of the flaming twin towers next to Saddam Hussein (not that he had anything to do with 9/11), you need to cry when people de-link you for your views… and yet ban people FROM your site, and support boycotts of “Un-American Celebrities” for their views later.
    Continue reading “Payback for the Warbloggers?”

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    Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.


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