Category: Dongles and a slice of pie

May be technical. May be sexual innuendoes. Depends on my mood.

Yo, where my bitches at?

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Pimp McDaddyFinally an idea whose time has come!

High-Heeled Shoes with GPS for Prostitutes

No more worrying where your ho’s be at. You can lock in on their location and decide if they need a good bitch-slappin’ later.

Also found on TrendHunter.Com:

Ms Dewey – The Human Search Engine
While not winning the hearts of many tech people… I gotta say, MS. DEWEY IS FUCKING SEXY!!!!!

Lots of personality, kind of comments on your search query keeps you entertained… (even taps on your monitor glass if you’re idle too long).

Hey I did a search for Eric Brooks and (beside some comment about eating a lot of cheeseburgers and gaining 40 lbs), I was the first two entries!!!

And did I mention she’s fucking sexy?

I hate UTF-8!!!!

Posted on by Eric Brooks

I feel I need to share that with you.

If charsets were athletes, UTF-8 would be in the special olympics and have a special handicap sticker on it’s car!!! GAWD!!!! ARRRRGH!!!!

Currently I’m doing a MySQL database which features musicians with lots of wild schwas and tildes and accents. My host (for reasons that elude me) now has it so the data converts to UTF-8. So artists like Mel Tormé and Niels-Henning Ørsted Pedersen turn into illegible words with question marks.

This is why I still use ISO-8859-1 for my charset, I mean how will Mötley Crüe survive the internet with such a restrictive and retarded charset like UTF-8??? I have since had to drop my “®” from WHUZZUP!® because most feeds crash from it.

So if you need these funky characters you can use this chart.

Whoever you are that came up with UTF-8… I hate you too.

Kinja Cards? How cool!

Posted on by Eric Brooks

I just stumbled on this trying to find out what the hell happened to Reverend Mykeru…

Kinja Card for WHUZZUP – It’s… it’s…
Well, I don’t know what it is, but it’s pretty cool! And it ties in to Technorati, Way Back Machine, Alexa and all sorts of goodies. Continue reading “Kinja Cards? How cool!”

Dear UPS…

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Well, where do I begin?

I registered on your site, all for the sole purpose of changing the shipping address to a package that couldn’t be delivered to me. Why? Because the 800 number on my card isn’t accepting any phone calls due to high volume.

After registering, I was offered an impressive and wide range of options. I now know the names of all the people who have handled the package, their GPA averages in school and their full sexual history. I was able to do everything except what I set out to do, which was change my damn mailing address. I found extensive details on how to go about doing this, except these links and buttons in the instructions were non-existant.

Once upon a time, I thought I was a fairly intelligent person.
Thanks for straightening me out on that misconception.

-=e=-

Spamming spammers and the spam that they spam me with

Posted on by Eric Brooks

You know. Maybe if I didn’t spend hours cleaning up all the comment spam on this site, I’d actually have time to post something here for my tens of ones of fans here.

When you’ve had a blog since 1998 (oh yeah baby, a YEAR before Blogger came out, I’m ahead of my time!) you have a BONANZA of places to leave comments if you’re a spammer.

Oh, and by the way. I hate comments. I think they’re the WORST thing to happen to blogs. Instead of someone commenting on something I said here on THEIR blog (thereby their readers come here…) now, they come here comment and that’s that. Where’s the community now???

I’m noticing a trend. They seem to home in on select posts as obviously the spambots know it’s a safe place to leave their crap.

So now I lock each post as they come in. (HA HA! *Gives the spammers the finger in defiance*)
The spam is *already* dying down.

If there is anyone who knows how to beat ANYONE at their own game…
… it’s me. 😀

Prowess Test

Posted on by Eric Brooks

(I sure hope you’re not reading this at work with your boss looking over your shoulder!) 🙂

Take the quiz: “If we fucked would I like it?”

Meh… you were alright… but I’ve had better
Well… we’d fuck… it would probally be over before it even started… kinky but not too kinky huh? Oh well… we’d fuck… maybe it would happen again if I was really drunk and thats about it… it wasn’t good and it wasnt bad… something to pass the time I guess

Gee like I never heard THAT before! 😛

Hold on, hold on… before you walk away laughing like the time I explained my getting out of a pool with cold water, let me redeem myself by showing the 4 possible results:

* If we fucked… we would never stop fucking (You scored 3)
* Meh… you were alright… but I’ve had better (You scored 4)
* I’d scream, you’d cum, and it would be over (You scored 2)
* I’d look at you and laugh, then walk away (You scored 1)

So maybe I’m not Ron Jeremy, but I was probably *this* close to studhood. I guess she didn’t like the “Police” fantasy as much as I was led to believe. 🙂

Take that, Hotlinkers!

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Dear CyberPals,

In case you’re unaware of my policy regarding graphics and content on my site here it is again:

TAKE IT!
HELP YOURSELF!
STEAL IT… IT’S OK, I’LL MAKE MORE SH!T UP!

Seriously. Hell, I’m flattered! I’ll never embarrass anyone with a silly email threatening to sue someone for taking my “Intellectual Property” (*snort* Sorry. can’t say that word without laughing.) For starters, it’s not worth me paying a lawyer $75 to mail a Cease & Desist letter; retaining that same lawyer when you respond back with a big ol’ “F**K You!!!”; to fly him and myself to your own home state pay even MORE court fees to get you in front of a judge for him to simply ask you to “take it down”. It’s not worth it. Besides, the most popular ones like Angel.jpg aren’t even mine to begin with. Just something I liked on the web a few years ago and saved on my server.

Besides, if you knew me in real life, you’d know I’d give you the last $5 in my pocket if I knew you needed it.

SAVE IT ON YOUR OWN SERVER!
The only thing I do ask is that you put it up on your server instead of hotlinking off of my site. This website explains Bandwidth Theft better than I can, since some people obviously skipped the class on “Netiquette” when they signed on to the internets.
Continue reading “Take that, Hotlinkers!”

Boob-O-Vision

Posted on by Eric Brooks

(I’m reprinting this from a discussion board because I’m too lazy to write a new post)

Another fascinating revelation (well for me, anyway), I’m currently reading “The Devil’s Notebook” and stumbled across an interesting factoid: Anton LaVey hated television.
Continue reading “Boob-O-Vision”

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Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.

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