Category: Political Cannon Fodder

Ahoy! Stupidity abounds in Capitol Hill and the blogosphere. Let’s watch!

One Nation Under Christ

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Today’s Sunday morning sermon is dedicated to to blowing apart the biggest lie and misconception we have going on in the U.S.A. today: America being a Christian Nation

The mouth runneth over again with Jerry Fallwell:

“I don’t believe Mr. Jefferson ever intended for America to become a haven of godless lawmakers who acutely separate themselves from all things Christian.With that in mind, I wish to look back through the annals of history to substantiate the fact that this great nation has historically been involved in religious pursuits and that our government – under the guidance of Thomas Jefferson himself – got wholly involved in the government subsidizing of Christian evangelization and even church building.”

BZZZZT! Wrong again Jerry! Nice attempt at re-writing history, though.

My impression is that Jefferson allocated federal money to help the Kaskaskia Indians in all sorts of endeavors, but Mr. Moral Majority is just focusing on the “building a church” part.

Thomas Jefferson on Christianity:

“One day the dawn of reason and freedom of thought in the United States will tear down the artificial scaffolding of Christianity. And the day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter.”

FACT: Our Founding Fathers were mostly Deists, not Christians.
Theres a big difference.
Continue reading “One Nation Under Christ”

NeoCon Jesus (now with Kung-fu grip)

Posted on by Eric Brooks

I have a confession to make.
I’m left handed.
Please don’t hate me.

Oh right. It’s 2004. We’ve wised up in society and realized that southpaws are not cursed to be Satan’s minions unless we’re forced to write with our right hands.

Sounds silly don’t it? Less than two generations ago, schoolkids WERE forced to become right-handed because of silly superstitions. They’re still luckier than the people FROM 400 years ago that were burned as witches because of it.

We used to think Blacks and Jews were subhumans once. We wised up. Maybe we’ll wise up about gays some day. Maybe one day we’ll grow up and come to realize that gay people, like southpaws, are simply “wired different” than “normal” folks.

Continue reading “NeoCon Jesus (now with Kung-fu grip)”

Ripping off is the shittiest form of flattery

Posted on by Eric Brooks

THE REAL JOHN KERRY CONCESSION SPEECH

I don’t know how long this guy will keep this post up after I called him/her a fucking thief in a Yahoo club this evening. Sure it was funny. I laughed almost as hard as when I read the same thing on Fanatical Apathy on November 3rd.
Continue reading “Ripping off is the shittiest form of flattery”

Surfing the post-election blogosphere

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Oy. What a mess.
So much for us all being back to normal after November 3rd, huh?

I’ve thought long and hard on what to say about all the bitterness, sniping, gloating, attacking, crazy talk, suicides and threats going on.

Here goes….
Imagine us all agreeing on every single thing…

Linking only to people who share our views and our values and our opinions….

Reading page after page of people who think exactly like us…

Would that suck ass, or what? 🙂
I’d be bored to fucking tears in a half hour flat.

Wanted: A two party system

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Dear Democratic Party:

OMG, you friggin’ people suck.
I came across this revelation as I walked Stroudsburg on my lunch hour, and I tripped over a wino.

You know what? I was convinced even HE could have beaten Bush in this election.

Americans all agree that Dubya is the kind of guy you’d want to have a beer with.
Well, guess what? My wino friend is already there, man!

Come up with all the conspiracy theories you want (Jewish touch screen voting machines by gay Halliburton martians, whatever…) Look, Bush won the election. He was winning Ohio when I went to bed at 3AM.

Now you are going to rack your brains out for the next four years going “where did we go wrong?”

Fact is, you fucking people don’t listen. You make the same mistakes over and over. You did it in 2000, you did it in 1988… you’re gonna do it again in 2008.

Continue reading “Wanted: A two party system”

Indecision ’04 – May the lesser evil win!

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Erika: “Daddy said we’re only voting for people with a “K” in their names. ‘Kerry’, ‘Kelly’….”
Ashley: “What does the ‘W’ stand for, daddy.”
Me: “Uhhhh… ‘Walcer’, with a ‘C’… shut up!” 😉

Hooo-boy.
I was on line for a good 2 1/2 hours to vote.

I took my 11 year old, Erika in the booth with me. (Big Kelly Lewis fan, doncha know…).

You know what… I did my duty. I’m done.
I am so “Electioned out“, it ain’t funny.
Continue reading “Indecision ’04 – May the lesser evil win!”

Debate questions that should have been asked

Posted on by Eric Brooks

This one was less “massacre-like” in my opinion. Very informative, and I think, if anything Bush and Kerry definitely succeeded in defining the differences between what they have to offer.

HOWEVER… I could well imagine if you’re a fan of Bush or Kerry, this wasn’t going to change your mind and make the switch. I have written the following seven questions that, if answered correctly, would have changed my vote:

President Bush: “In 1912, the captain of the Titanic decided to ‘stay the course’ despite the warnings of icebergs. Where did they bury the survivors?”

Senator Kerry: “Do I look fat in these jeans?”

President Bush: “Mr. President, can you look the camera straight in the eye, and (just once) pronounce the word ‘NU-CLE-AR’ correctly?”

Senator Kerry: “Senator Kerry, level with the American people… how much botox was injected INTO your chin by mistake?”

President Bush: “Mr. President, Saddam Hussein was a very very very bad man. My question is… Quick! What’s the capitol of North Dakota?”

Senator Kerry: “Senator Kerry. The Bush campaign has labeled you a “flip-flopper”. In your 20 years in the Senate, how many times have you tied up traffic at a Wendy’s drive thru?”

Both Candidates “Barbara, Jenna or Alexandra. Who do you think the average American male voter should be masturbating over the most right now and why?”

See also: Misty has some suggestions to make the debates more fun!

Correction

Posted on by Eric Brooks

OOPS! I stand corrected.
TODAY (Oct 4th) is the last day to register to vote in PA. And probably a whole bunch of other states FROM what I’m reading in the comments.

October 8th is the deadline mine and a few other newspaper sites need to get an election module up & running. That’s the reason for my mixup (Oh, and I’m a blond too!).

I wonder why all the “professional pundits” didn’t come and correct me? (OK, fellow Pennsylf**kingtuckyan Atrios mentioned it yesterday.)

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