Category: Pure, unadulterated stupidity

Even WORSE than basic stupidity! You have been warned.

Someone more bored than me.

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Totse.Com – My suicide note

I must be jaded or twisted… but the responses on their message board to this guy who just announced he’s committing suicide are hilarious!

For example:

quote:
——————————————————————————–
Originally posted by DannyJ:
Jeff I have some things to say to you which could help you out a lot. E-mail me in complete confidence:
*******@hotmail.com
——————————————————————————–
You posted after he’d already killed himself on purpose just so you would look like a good person but know you wouldn’t have to actually help. Genius.

Oh, the drama…

Boob-O-Vision

Posted on by Eric Brooks

(I’m reprinting this from a discussion board because I’m too lazy to write a new post)

Another fascinating revelation (well for me, anyway), I’m currently reading “The Devil’s Notebook” and stumbled across an interesting factoid: Anton LaVey hated television.
Continue reading “Boob-O-Vision”

One Nation Under Christ

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Today’s Sunday morning sermon is dedicated to to blowing apart the biggest lie and misconception we have going on in the U.S.A. today: America being a Christian Nation

The mouth runneth over again with Jerry Fallwell:

“I don’t believe Mr. Jefferson ever intended for America to become a haven of godless lawmakers who acutely separate themselves from all things Christian.With that in mind, I wish to look back through the annals of history to substantiate the fact that this great nation has historically been involved in religious pursuits and that our government – under the guidance of Thomas Jefferson himself – got wholly involved in the government subsidizing of Christian evangelization and even church building.”

BZZZZT! Wrong again Jerry! Nice attempt at re-writing history, though.

My impression is that Jefferson allocated federal money to help the Kaskaskia Indians in all sorts of endeavors, but Mr. Moral Majority is just focusing on the “building a church” part.

Thomas Jefferson on Christianity:

“One day the dawn of reason and freedom of thought in the United States will tear down the artificial scaffolding of Christianity. And the day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as His father, in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter.”

FACT: Our Founding Fathers were mostly Deists, not Christians.
Theres a big difference.
Continue reading “One Nation Under Christ”

Adventures in Wal-Mart’s parking lot

Posted on by Eric Brooks

First off… at my Wal-Mart in East Stroudsburg, there are literally 200 spots reserved for the handicapped. I mean COME ON!!!!! Do you really expect to do business with 200 gimps at once? Is it really necessary? 20 is more than enough (Unless you’re expecting Jerry Lewis to host a marathon there or something).

Something at Wulfgar’s touched on a subject very near and dear to my heart… Parking Lot Vultures. People who want your parking spot so bad that they are willing to risk life and limb to get it (even run over a poor defenseless puppy.)

I hate them!!! I hate them with a passion that I reserve only for Jethro Tull fans!!!!!
Fie upon these foul creatures… better yet, Downs Syndrome upon all their descendants!!!!

Have you ever walked in a parking lot and have these predatory bastards slowly creeping up behind you? AS YOU’RE WALKING!?!!??!
Continue reading “Adventures in Wal-Mart’s parking lot”

Hello. My name is Eric, and I am a DUMBASS.

Posted on by Eric Brooks

[Crowd] “Hiiiiiii Eric!”

I’m not sure how i did it, but it was a screwup of “I Love Lucy” proportions.
I managed to wipe out my whole site, changed my password so I couldn’t get back in….

And it took two days for me to figure it out because I thought my site was still propagating.

It’s all fixed now, and I don’t think I can do that again if I tried.

Perhaps it’s for the best that the last post is lost forever, too. It was getting ugly between me, Len and another unnamed party. We said things that I’m sure we were gonna regret in the long run.

Lots of stuff going on and I will fill you in after a brief word from our sponsor….
[Cue “I Love Lucy” theme song….]

Ripping off is the shittiest form of flattery

Posted on by Eric Brooks

THE REAL JOHN KERRY CONCESSION SPEECH

I don’t know how long this guy will keep this post up after I called him/her a fucking thief in a Yahoo club this evening. Sure it was funny. I laughed almost as hard as when I read the same thing on Fanatical Apathy on November 3rd.
Continue reading “Ripping off is the shittiest form of flattery”

Phil Parlock: Professional Victim for hire

Posted on by Eric Brooks

For the two or three people on the web who aren’t sick of “RatherGate™” , I offer even more goofy hoax-y hokey goodness.
(And no, CBS did NOT ORDER Dan Rather to commit seppuku yet. Whoever you are, stop saying that!)

Originally broken by Rising Hegemon, as seen on Atrios and Truthout.

Father of the Year 2004
What kind of a world do we live in where a man can’t protest at a political rally and NOT claim he got his ass kicked for the third election year in a row by bloodthirsty screeching moonbats? (I mean what are the odds of that happening?)

It was fun to bounce around on the internet to see if the Right Wing Unit of the Pajama Patrol™ would fall for the bait. InstaPutz did (but to his credit quickly corrected it), elsewhere, MetaFilter kind of degraded INTO several camps. One of whom thought a cuffed protester being kicked at the RNC convention made it ok.* But they eventually caught on to the gag too.
Continue reading “Phil Parlock: Professional Victim for hire”

Home dentisty for the Manly Man

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Yes. I’ve been a cranky S.O.B. for a few days now.
One thing I neglected to mention FROM the Beach Boys concert was how I pulled another cracked tooth out of my mouth and have been in mind-numbing agony since.

At the rate I’m going, the only way I’m going to enjoy a Wendy’s triple biggie sized combo is pureed and through a straw.
Continue reading “Home dentisty for the Manly Man”

Pain is Beauty

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Man, I hate shaving.
People think I use a cheese grater.

What the hell was I thinking back when I was 14?
“OOH! I can’t wait till I’m a grown up and I can grow a beard! Hell, Some Spanish girls on the block already have mustaches… and they’re only 11!”

“I’m gonna lather my face up, I’ll shave… and then splash my face with Aqua Velva and scream like that kid FROM Home Alone*.”

(*Yes. Home Alone came out 10 years later. I’m a prophet and can see the future. Don’t question me.)

Tonight, I decided to take a shortcut… I put Nair on my face. Just the parts around the goatee that I normally slice up and bleed like Charles Manson was my barber.

HOLY FUCKING S#!T MOTHER OF JEBUS!!!!!! I HAVE 15TH DEGREE BURNS!!!!
I turn to the side and I can see parts of my exposed jawbone!

How many of you women come to this site… and NONE of you can warn me that Nair burns like hell???? The smell of burning flesh took me back to when I had my hair permed at 19 (Don’t ask. It was 1984. My friends all had Jhericurls back then, ok?).

UPDATE It’s an hour later… I’m loaded on morphine, and I feel a little better.
Just one question…

How long until I stop looking like I just walked through an Apache line of gay guys bitchslapping me? I can’t go to work like this??!!??

The Rat Bastard factor (redux)

Posted on by Eric Brooks

** UPDATE: Dec 11th – UH OH! Mark got FARKED-UP! (Hat tip: Kathy K) **

Or perhaps this should be aptly titled “How to wreck your career in one night”

Remember my little rant “The Rat Bastard Factor“?
Well, the tale gets better…

Pazuhanich Charged With Indecent Assault
“Charges have been filed against Monroe County District Attorney Mark Pazuhanich. Now police have issued a warrant for his arrest… Pazuhanich is now charged with four counts, including indecent assault, putting a child in danger and corruption of a minor. ”

In laymen’s terms: He allegedly fondled his own daughter, and was seen by a security guard and a concerned mother, doing it at the Hilary Duff concert last Saturday in Wilkes Barre.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen… welcome to my world.
Only in the Poconos can you get a District Attorney, who was best known for:
Continue reading “The Rat Bastard factor (redux)”

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