Pure, unadulterated stupidity Archives - Page 6 of 7

How quickly they forget…

Posted on Monday April 28, 2003Saturday June 4, 2011 by Eric Brooks

People, you gotta love ’em.

With all the Susan Sarandon/Tim Robbins bashing going on, I was on Mykeru.Com, where he brings up an article about 9/11… and oh lookie… Susan Sarandon cooking for the rescue workers, and Tim Robbins rounding up steel-toe boots for the crews at Ground Zero.

Yeah, they are sooooo damn un-American, aren’t they?
No one remembers that, they just want to remember how outspoken they’ve been on the war lately. Blacklisted FROM certain events for it.
Continue reading “How quickly they forget…”

Roe -vs- Wade: 30 Years later

Posted on Wednesday January 22, 2003Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

I haven’t surfed any sites today, and I doubt I’ll have the time until I get home… but I really hope there will be lots of discussion about the 30th Anniversary of Roe -vs- Wade today.

Personally, I have always been amazed that it was even a controversy.

The main opponents of abortion are usually people that can’t get pregnant, mostly men, older religious women… and you know, the Pope.

These are people that can’t *possibly* understand the prospect of facing an 18-to-life sentence of a responsibility they *KNOW* they’re not ready for. Or living with the monument of the day you were raped by a relative or a total stranger…

These are people who *clearly* can’t put themselves in other people’s shoes; people that *don’t want* to understand… so how can they have a say in what should or shouldn’t be done?

It’s very easy to make a snap decision based on a hypothetical question isn’t it? When lives aren’t hanging in the balance, and forever changed in either direction, with no consequences whatsoever… you can spew out a “yea” or “nay” with little or no problem.

I think H. Ross Perot put it best when asked by reporters on his views:

“Bah, that’s a women’s issue… next question.”

Here’s how *I’VE* always seen it. I’m a guy. I can’t get pregnant, nor will I ever have to endure labor. I don’t have a say in this issue. I say, let only the people who are directly affected by Roe -vs- Wade voice their opinions, and you’ll see that there *really is* no controversy after all.

“Women that use abortion as a means of birth control”
- Do you *really* want to see someone so irresponsible, that they can’t even think of birth control during sex, to be in charge of another human life?
“Funny how all the people who are for abortion are alive today”
- So are all the people who commit suicide, and scream “I never asked to be born”. Your point?
“There’s always adoption”
- Yes, let’s force a woman who doesn’t want to be pregnant to put a year of her life on hold, go through 40 weeks of physical, hormonal, and emotional changes to give birth to a child, hand it over to a system that will forget about them, and we’ll probably read about this child’s partially-decomposing corpse being found in a dumpster or landfill somewhere… society has enough unwanted children.Or perhaps, you’d like to put your money where your mouth is, and have this fetus transferred to *your* uterus, and you can enjoy all of the above. Wanna give it a spin? You’d be amazed what modern science can do these days.
“All human life is precious”
- Oh, PUH-LEEZ… get in the real world, you! People that blow up abortion clinics and/or kill the doctors involved say that all the time. (Hypocrisy, anyone?). Exactly *where* is life precious? We’re human beings, the only species on the planet that kills our own for the stupidest reasons. And if we don’t do it with war, crime, and terrorism, we can always count on starvation, AIDS, Ebola, and natural disasters to finish the job. There’s six and a half billion of us… and none of us are worth a damn in the grand scheme of things. Think about it.
“I’m against abortion. I’ll only make an exception in a case of rape or incest.”
- If you can think of at least ONE reason for an abortion, wouldn’t it make perfect sense for it so stay safe and legal? Haven’t these people suffered enough without HAVING to provide some form of solid evidence that they are victims? Given the current statistics of convictions, and the fact that most of these cases go unreported… I somehow doubt these people taking such a stance are just going to “take your word for it”, are they?
“The story of Jesus Christ was much like a ‘surprise’ pregnancy. What if Mary had aborted him?”
- Uhm, Ladies? If you find yourself pregnant, you know your husband isn’t the father, and the Archangel Gabriel shows up to give you the rundown on how your child is the Messiah, gonna save the world, and all that stuff…… can I trust you guys to do the right thing, and *not* abort our Saviour? Pretty please?

You love me!!! You really love me!!!

Posted on Monday December 30, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

See? It’s time for all the awards to start rolling in.
The Queen of PSYCHOdrama has bestowed upon me the coveted
“2002 Pea Brain Of The Year award“!

Hee hee…
Nothing like starting shit with me to bring the traffic back, right, Lee?

Supposedly, my little remark about adding Kare and her relentless harassment to my 2002 roundup has caused her to run like hell because I’m about to tell everyone the WHOLE STORY retire.

Oh, not to worry… I’m sure this will drag Lee’s loyal yipping attack dog out of retirement. So much for putting the past behind you, right?

Ah, sweet hypocrisy… gotta love it.
Do you folks still have my boss’ phone number?

*Looks at watch, waiting for Shelagh and Astone to jump in.*

Gonna be the same routine folks… a small hand full of clowns jumping up & down, trying to clutter her comments to look like an angry mob, flinging baseless accusations, and crying for attention and hits….
Lee does this every time she comes back. Attacks someone popular, then tries to look like the victim.

Maybe this time, when I see my personal stuff (when I *thought* I was confiding in friends?) being slapped up for everyone to see, I’ll return the favor. To ALL of them. On the same gutless level they do it.

The people have spoken are schmucks

Posted on Tuesday November 5, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Well, more or less… the Associated Press has projected Ed Rendell the new Governor of Pennsylfuckingtucky.

I wonder how much hate mail I’ll get if I keep referring to him as “That big goofy Jew in Harrisburg”? :0)

Truth be told, if it were anyone else besides Mike Fisher running against him, I would have voted for him too. This State, in my opinion, is TOO fucking Republican… a scary kind of totalitarian Republican…

…and this comes from a lifelong Republican.
Hell, the Taliban wouldn’t even move here.
Continue reading “The people ~~have spoken~~ are schmucks”

Sure-fire lines

Posted on Wednesday October 9, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

Have a pest annoying you? Here are a few lines GUARANTEED to stop them in thier tracks…

Doting new parents that *constantly* urge you to hold their child/see pictures:“Awwwwww…. (s)he is TOO CUTE!”
“Adopted?”

People that hang over your food when you’re trying to eat:
“Eeeeew, I think someone’s trying to kill me! Try this. Does this taste like rat poison to you?”

Get rid of telemarketers:
People have it backwards. They try to get *off* the phone with these guys, when they are armed with a million responses to keep you on the phone.

Turn the tables on them by getting *REALLY* personal and chatty. Remember, they’re paid a commission for every lead they generate… if they see it’s going nowhere, and you keep directing the topic back to a pointless conversation… *THEY* will be the ones to try and get rid of *YOU*.

…. which unfortunately, is not covered in the training manual. :0)

Worst case scenario, is their supervisor will assume they’re goofing off and having a personal phone call and get fired. Of course you don’t want that to happen. Do you?

Sure-fire line to get you a seat on a bus or subway:
(Hover over intended target and say:) “I think I’m gonna throw up.”

You’re on the date from hell, it’s raining, she doesn’t want to get wet, and you want to end this…ASAP:“Awww, honey…. don’t worry. Only *sugar* melts in the rain.”
“Doo-doo kinda clumps together.”

God is Love… Man is (apparently) a moron

Posted on Friday October 4, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

From the “why-won’t-this-guy-just-shut-the-fuck-up???” files:

Thus sayeth Jerry Fallwell:
NEW YORK (AP) – The Rev. Jerry Falwell says ‘I think Muhammad was a terrorist’ in an interview to be broadcast Sunday on the CBS program “60 Minutes.”

Awwwww COME ONNNNnnnnnn!!!!!!!
Just when the world has finally gotten over his blaming gays, pagans, & feminists for being solely responsible for September 11st… his mouth runneth over again. I refuse to question what planet “Mr. Moral Majority” is living on, or how close his house is in proximity to the fumes of a crack factory.

Why do they give this guy airtime??!!???

“…’Jesus set the example for love, as did Moses,’ Falwell says. ‘I think Muhammad set an opposite example…’ “

Are we talking about the same Jesus and Moses here, Jerry?

Jesus who said:
“Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.”
(Matthew 10:34)

The same Jesus who opened up a can of whoop-ass on the Money Changers in the temple? Flipping their tables over, and going postal on them with a whip?
(Mark 11:15-19)

Moses? Who had to flee Egypt after killing a man, and hiding his body in the sand???
(Exodus 2:11-15)

I’m dangerous on the topic of religion, Jerry. Don’t screw with me.
Bad enough to add hypocrisy on top of stupidity.

There’s a time for peace, and there’s a time to kick someone’s ass (as Jesus and Moses has shown), and to now equate Islam with terrorism is like saying Christianity stands solely for hate groups like the KKK, and bombing abortion clinics.

See? They can say that about us Christians too.

Islam is not the enemy. Like any religion, Islam is about humanity’s quest to reach out to their Creator. There’s peace and there’s violence in it, just like Christianity and Judaism…

The enemies are the religious zealots (*ahem* stares at Fallwell…), who would take scripture and twist it to suit their agendas.

Parenting for dummies…

Posted on Friday September 27, 2002Friday June 3, 2011 by Eric Brooks

We interrupt our latest obsession with macro codes and visual basic programming to bring the following tip for people who have no business reproducing….

“Milton, Fla., police Detective Mike Daughtery told the Associated Press the dying boy said Hoffman and his mother kept him mostly in one room, beat him every day, only fed him scraps and didn’t let him out of the house to go to school or see friends…”

When you feed your child, love them and care for them…. they live.

When you starve them for five months, beat them repeatedly and ship them on a bus across the country, where strangers take them in, as they’re described as “looking like a holocaust victim”… well, they tend to die.

Any questions?

A little local news to bring some pride to my adopted Police Statehometown.
*sigh* :0(

The First Amendment for dummies.

Posted on Friday September 20, 2002 by Eric Brooks

(Does this sound like anyone you know? I can think of at least five people off the top of my head….)

Idiot: “Dammit to hell, this ‘Freedom of Speech’ stuff is bullshit. We don’t have it!”

Me: “Sure we do.”

Idiot: “Everytime I open my mouth, someone attacks me in my comments.”

Me: “Well, they have freedom of speech too, remember?”

Idiot: “It’s not RIGHT!!!!”

Me: “Yeah, that “freedom” stuff is a bitch, ain’t it?”
Continue reading “The First Amendment for dummies.”

All your doodies am belonging to us!

Posted on Sunday September 15, 2002 by Eric Brooks

All right. It’s official.
The War on Terrorism has gone too far.

A passenger who spent a long time in an airplane toilet Wednesday prompted a security alert and full search of the Lufthansa plane, the airline said.
(Link Via Dr. D)

So now being on the potty too long makes you a terrorist suspect?
What a crock of shit!

Ok. I understand that a large percentage of the people reading this are female, and you might not get the GLOBAL SIGNIFICANCE of this event. (Or you don’t give a crap.)

A man’s potty time is sacred.

It is a time where he gets to sit down, read, and quietly become one with his thoughts. It is a time for somber reflection.

It is our GOD GIVEN RIGHT!
It’s in the, er, Constitution. I’m pretty sure of that.

And now some paranoid fruitcakes are trying to take that away from us just for the sake of global security????

Take too long, open the door, to be greeted with an automatic weapon in your face???? Thrown against a wall, and searched (the article didn’t specify a “full cavity search”)????

What’s next? Make us piss sitting down, so we’re less threatening if they barge in?

I SAY THEE NAY!!!!!

I draw the line at this latest attempts to , uhm, flush our… rights down… (well you get the idea.)

People of the world need to relax.
Nowhere, in our human history, has a terrorist successfully shit out a grenade, an AK-47, or a Laws Rocket Launcher.

It is IMPOSSIBLE to poop out a weapon of MASS-DESTRUCTION.
(Well, that can be debated if they don’t close the door quick enough.)

And if they could… the one handling the weapon would bring the word “Holy Martyr” to a whole new level.

While I of course, have very stong feelings on this issue, I, of course will not lead a protest or anything (who the hell wants to be remembered for fighting for “Potty Rights”?)… so I have offered the following suggestion(s):

New suggested procedure for Airlines and law enforcement officials:

1. *knock on door*
2. Flight Attendant: “Is everything alright sir?”

3. Possible responses:

(grunt) “I’m fine, thank you for asking. I’ll be out in a minute!”
“Ohhhh yeahhhh baby! Who’s your daddy! Who’s your daddy!” (thud,thud)
“No you Western Infidel! I am currently plotting your demise, and you’re out of toilet paper and breath mints!!!”

Only *ONE* of those responses would warrant the proper authorities (one may warrant the papparazzi… buuut…). If you don’t know which response that would be, you have no business being in your chosen field.

Men of the world will *NOT* stand, er, sit, er STAND FOR THIS INFRINGEMENT ON OUR RIGHTS!

Fuck it, you get the point.
You can see why public speaking on this issue will only give the crowd the giggles. Maybe go after those *running* for office?

Weird phone call day

Posted on Tuesday September 3, 2002 by Eric Brooks

Well, it’s official… Skarlet is my first official ping for her “Weird Phone calls“.

Only three people in the entire country *DIDN’T* know yesterday was a National Holiday…

…and they *ALL* seemed to find her.

I do believe today’s message came darn close though. It was anonymous left to our editor, which I had to hear in case the story ran on the web. It involves the closing of a chain of stores and the photo had an employee crying at the prospect of losing her job:

The phone call:
“I can’t believe you put a BLACK WOMAN on your front page!!! I swear to God, I’ll never buy your paper again if you don’t remember that WHITE PEOPLE come first…. those goddamn Blacks are ruinin’ everything here!!!”

Of course my only response was “well, a ‘heil hitler’ to you too, sir!”, followed by much laughter and jokes involving generations of inbreeding by our staff.

We will miss his patronage… as well as “Mr. Bunker’s” wit and wisdom.

Aw hell, we were also called “Socialists” in the “Letters to the Editors” page today, because we all think Ashcroft is a totalitarian asswipe (my words, not the papers. I’m paraphrasing.)

The phone call was anonymous, of course.
And if it makes a difference to anyone out there, the woman was Puerto Rican, not Black. I know her.

Welcome to 1950’s Mississippi.
*pops alka seltzer, yet still can’t control the giggling over stoopidity*

WHUZZUP!

Category: Pure, unadulterated stupidity