(and Ashley Richards, too, whoever you are)
Newz you can uze
(and Ashley Richards, too, whoever you are)
Author: Eric Brooks
(and Ashley Richards, too, whoever you are)
A bright side to the economy…
This topic is closed… I’ve decided it’s not worth talking about anymore.
We’ll resume the “light & fluffy” topics and the no-brainers like “how much of a bigot is trent lott”, or “how much of a poon hound was clinton”, or “how bad can bush butcher the english language” at a later date.
Real issues have no place here on this site. I thought after I was in the clear, and was able to stop talking in riddles, people would understand the whole CPS situation in this country.
Instead, I find myself looking at rape victims, driven to tears, insisting that they “didn’t ask for it” to a skeptical crowd with raised eyebrows… and me sympathizing with their frustration.
Maybe I’m still not talking clearly. I don’t know. Screw it.
But I can’t waste any more time on a subject no one is interested in.
For those who missed it, I gave the Democrats a swift kick in the balls, and talked about stuff. I *WAS* going to discuss the May 20th Primary here in the Poconos, and the (even higher) importance of local government in our lives… but that has no place here.
Yeah. Ok. Light & fluffy coming up.
Blonde Roots Campaign for peace, or the environment, or something
I see a very disturbing trend, and I feel it needs to be addressed immediately.
I’ve given this a lot of thought ever since I was fired an angry letter FROM Ida Slapter, of the activist GROUP Blondes Irritated by Members Bashing Others (B.I.M.B.O.), regarding a joke I cracked about blondes on this site.
Yeah… ok. Redheads are evil, Blondes are dumb, et cederin. I get it. Stereotypes.
I am a blond (or at least what’s left of my hair after 11 years of marriage to a “bottle redhead”). okay?
The stereotype of blondes being stupid. I hate it! I hate it SO MUCH!
Blonde Jokes offend the hell out of me. The punchlines are laced with so many big words… guess what, asshole?
I DON’T GET IT!!! THEY’RE NOT FUNNY!!!
(I should not have to break out a thesaurus to find out what a “Breathalyzer” is, you insensitive prick!)
Robyn has really brought this situation to a head, as she has kindly asked people to make more “Blonde-Friendly” buttons in their comments. I too have had the bitter experience of writing something, only to press a button that says “HIZAAT SO BIZZATCH”, only to see the window close, and my words gone for ever…
What if one day, someone posts the cure for cancer on a medical blog and that happens??? WHO’S GONNA SUFFER THEN, YOU CLEVER-ASS BIZZATCH???
Jewdez, also a blonde (but she went to collidge and speaks Latin so she’s REALLY smart), has taken this INTO consideration by putting very-detailed instructions inside parentheses (bracket-thingys)… I now have an increased 75% chance of getting a comment through on her site. The rest of you who continue to use hard-to-understand terms like “Hizzat so bizzatch”, “Expedite this profound soliloquy”, and “Submit”… suck my dick.
I propose the world employs more sensitivity to blondes by:
- Changing “Dumb Blonde Jokes” back to “Dumb Pollock Jokes”
- Speaking to blondes with the respect, dignity, and monosyllabic words that we truly deserve!
- Our house/car keys should have our addresses and license plates engraved on them, in the event that unsavory thieves should steal them… now they can be returned them to the rightful owners.
- That shell you have to peel off of every damn M&M you try to eat… does M&M/Mars think they’re fucking funny???
I mean, is it really too much to ask for, that MAYBE you can give us blondes the same consideration that you do OTHER special-interest groups? No one complains about waiting an extra half hour as a passenger is assisted in a wheelchair-accessible bus? (HUH-LOOOO??? They’re ALREADY on WHEELS?!?!?! Put straps on the back bumpers, and charge them half-price! Like, DUH!)
… or when they put braille on the buttons of drive-thru ATMs…
(Do I REALLY need to point out what I think is so WRONG and DISTURBING with that picture?)
We can ignore all the dumb handicapped people of the world… but blondes are all around you. And we have access to curling irons and staplers too. You better take a minute to think about that.
To SHOW I am VERY serious about this matter, I will throw in my full support to elect Dan Quayle as Pope in 2000! So there. How do you like them apples?
EricBrooks.Com® – Currently going back to school to become a veterinarian, ‘cuz he really loves children! *giggle*
But redheads REALLY are evil. It’s true.
You know you’re back…
… when you finally get your VERY FIRST cease and desist FROM a major corporation, since re-opening!
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
(Yes, you may congratulate me now. Somebody knows I’m ALIVE!!!)
Also…
There seemed a bit of a problem with a few people and the newsletter, a lot of returns came back. I’m going to resend (manually. don’t panic, Joe!) them to a few people and figure out what’s causing this glitch. Don’t think I forgot about you guys. What the hell a few new people subscribed in the past few days…. I’m feeling tres benevolent today!!!!
In other news…
Death, bloodshed, carnage, looting, violence, fires, disasters, cadavers, papercuts, starvation, State Police, Jennifer Wise is a fox, yadda, yadda, yadda
And how was *YOUR* day at work, honey?
Solonor’s the bad seed. Not me.
Alright… Kare and I exchanged apologies and we’re at a cease fire.
(And, uhm, Kare doesn’t really eat children. I made that up.)
Now we are all free to gawk and point at Solonor, and wonder how he’s gonna weasel out of THIS scandal… hmmm.
I’m not blogging about you. Really.
“…hopelessly in love with Eric (though goodness knows why, I mean, been there, done that, and well, let’s just call it performance anxiety shall we). ”
-Faith –
Hah hahahahaha!!!! Oh man I feel sorry for that poor g…
*blink*
Heeeeeeyyyyyy??!!?!!
Continue reading “I’m not blogging about you. Really.”
Mother’s Day Weekend Pt. IV
This month’s newsletter has gone out the door.
So look for “[whuzzupdate] Sorry I made you an alcoholic, ma!“, somewhere in your inbox… buried under penis enlargers and generic viagra ads (someone trying to tell me something here?)
Mother’s Day Weekend IV: The moms strike back
Continue reading “Mother’s Day Weekend Pt. IV”
Mother’s Day Weekend Pt. III
Mother’s Day Weekend Pt. II
Actually, this is a paid public service announcement to all married men:
Did you notice this week you were given an awfully large amount of money to take to work for “lunch” in the past few days? Have you noticed a similar pattern during her birthday? When your anniversary was coming up?
You were supposed to buy her a gift.
Yeah, I know she said: “Oh honey, I don’t want anything…really.”
(Please bookmark this entry next time you find yourself on the couch, and you don’t know why.)
EricBrooks.Com® – Giving it to you straight, because women punish us for not being mindreaders, you know. (Hey don’t look at me, I remembered… uhm… after the Salad Bar at Ruby Tuesdays!)
Mother’s Day Weekend
One day isn’t enough… this year, we’re spending the weekend honoring those who have the toughest job on earth… Moms.
You’ve brought a life INTO the world, nurtured it, loved it, cried for it, and worried about it FROM day one… and will do so until you leave this world.
Of all the moms in the world, the single mom is probably the one I admire the most. There will be no husband there to serve her breakfast in bed, or buy an expensive gift, or take her out to dinner. No one to take the kids out so she can sleep late on “her day”… some may even have to go to work this weekend because they’re not only playing the role of mother *and* father, but they’re also the only source of income. They’re tough as nails, and their children will *always* come first.
Continue reading “Mother’s Day Weekend”
