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Screw you guys…
I’m off with the kiddies to go to the pool and talk to Russian babes.
(And if any pictures happen to make it on the web… let me say in advance that the water was probably COLD. Yeah.)
Nothing better be happening on the web until I get back tonite.
-e-
It just came to my attention, that here in the resort, that there are at least two female exchange students from Russia that don’t want to go back.
Their plan is to land husbands… the line forms at the left.
They’re actually quite attractive, hardly any facial hair. 😀
Naw, seriously… they’re actually cuties, guys.
And no “humps & dumps”… uhm, that ploy was already tried today. 😉
And once again I have been asked by someone in the community if I know “any available guys”. When did I suddenly become “a matchmaker”??? What is it, my uncanny ability to spot a scumbag a mile away???
Allow me to share my most prized secrets:
Tip #1: The handshake test. I don’t know how well this will work with ladies, because even I ease up on the grip with women considerably. But with guys? If I feel like I’m shaking a dead fish… you’re fucked. You are a sleazy douchebag with something to hide. A certain someone never listens to my warning about the “handshake test” with their boyfriends… and I have *never* been wrong.
Tip #2: If they are looking up, to *your left* (their right) during a difficult question…THEY’RE LYING. They are accessing the right hemisphere of their brain (the creative side) for something “good” to tell you.
Tip #3: You want me to fix you up with a hot available studmuffin (it kills me to say, there’s plenty in the Poconos… some are even better lookin’ than me. Only SOME.)…. There is a right way and a wrong way…
Crazy people have feelings too, you know. 🙁
Last night, Karaoke at The Log Cabin again.
I sang “Kissing A Fool” and “Ladies Night“… again. (hey, stick to what you know, right?) I was going to give Joshua Kaddison’s “Beautiful in my Eyes” a shot, but things ran late… we had a ton of Japanese people there, staying at Tamiment.
You ain’t lived till you see them guys attempt “Baby Got Back“. Let me tell ya… :0)
I gotta ask the karaoke expert, one day… is there always *one* guy in the bar that has to do *every* Elvis song, right? Any time I’ve gone to these karaoke places there’s *ALWAYS* an “Elvis-Only” guy, and some fool white boy that thinks he can do Motown. *rolls eyes*.
Speaking of which, everyone at the place keeps asking why I don’t do “Play That Funky Music, White Boy“… after all, that was my theme song growing up, and will most likely be on the soundtrack on the movie about my life after I’m gone (or at least fake my death again).
I’ll think about it.
‘cuz this White Boy got soul. *GLEEEE*
But *still* wont attempt anything by the Temptations… not to worry.
I know what you’re thinking, based on all the bull you were fed from Hollywood in the 60’s that The Green Hornet and Kato was a ripoff of Batman and Robin, right???
… well stop that right now! It’s almost painful to think how 20th Century Fox f**ked both of these characters up!
The first “Green Hornet” radio program aired in 1936, created by George W. Trendle… a whole three years before The Dark Knight appeared (Actually putting Bob Kane still in high school…). Well, he is sort of a “spin-off”, but of The Lone Ranger, not Batman. John Reid (aka The Lone Ranger) had an older brother, Dan Reid. Dan is grandfather of Britt Reid (aka The Green Hornet)… you following here?
Britt Reid is publisher of the Daily Sentinel, filling out the pre-requisite that a superhero *MUST* work in a newspaper (Superman and Spiderman does it, it’s the best way to get information, and breaking news stories… unless you’re a seriously-disturbed billionaire obsessed with bats, or a college professor… then beating the piss out of a crackhead in an alley in the middle of the night will do just fine.).
His whole schtick involved getting the news of some major drug/weapon/criminal activity going down, The Green Hornet appears as a feared gangland character, comes in, and threatens the mobsters with extortion (which is hilarious irony, when you think about it.), if they don’t cut him in on a “piece of the action”. Nine times out of ten the criminals decline and orders his men to “waste them”… Kato kicks all their asses, they’re all handed to the police… and the money is anonymously dropped off to some charity in town.
Going over to Britt Reid’s home, he eventually marries his secretary (because sometimes sexual harrassment at the workplace *does* work out.), and you would never suspect that the oriental butler serving you your drink is, in fact, Bruce Lee… and he can probably kill you where you stand in two moves or less.
What’s *not to love* about these guys???? Like my other idol, Zorro, they pose as criminals, f**k authority every chance they get… and kick bad guy’s asses with style and panache.
In the 1990’s Now Comics re-introduces a totally revamped Green Hornet (But of course can’t mention The Lone Ranger because of licensing issues.) And Bruce Lee/Hayashi Kato is alive and well in this world (an alcoholic hollywood actor, who blames himself for the death of the third-generation Green Hornet… but alive.).
If they ever get around to making a new movie about The Green Hornet… it better be good. We’ve already seen Jet Li in the Kato Costume…
And stop calling them “Batman & Robin” ripoffs dammit.
Sources:
The following has been forwarded to me to post by the President of the United Planet of America (since more people come here than the White House site, and he can deny this in case WWIII breaks out.)
DEAR EURO-PEE-ONS:
Yes, that’s right celebrate and laugh it up over the World Cup. Fact of the matter is… GOOD Americans really don’t give a furry rat’s ass about SOCCA.
You see, we have our own version of “FUTBOL”, and I doubt highly that your little German pansies would care to prance around the gridiron up against our N.Y. Giants, Dallas Cowboys, or San Francisco 49’ers… would they? WOULD THEY???? Mah daddy shot down a whole buncha you little Zero* Krauts back in the Big One, and if our boys were allowed to use nukes in this game… tha score woulda been just a little different, that’s all I’m sayin’.
WHOOOOO DOGGIE!
-w-
*(Editor’s Notes: “Zeroes” were *Japanese* planes, not German…. SHHHH!)
You see? YOU SEE????!!!
See what happens when you talk crap about people, blow things out proportion, and threaten to expose the secret identities of the four members of the cartel of super-powered hyper bitches known as “The Loop”… and what happens?
You get unplugged.
The week of tech hell climaxes with a line from Quest going down, and me left without internet service *AND* a website (among a bunch of very irate business owners across the Poconos)….
Today’s Ugly Scale: 8
So I get it….
I’ll submit to “The Loop” and be good.
… for now.
*EvilGrin*
Redesign Update – Today Wendy, Creative Director of the Pocono Record, threw in her much-valued input… personally I think it’s coming along nicely.
This week has been cancelled by Skarlet. Personally, I’m all for it.
Input anyone? Tammie would love to hear from you guys on how she’s doing with her blog… she’s already got a tagboard and a counter, and a whole bunch of other stuff.
Get your stories straight, ERIC!!!! Well, now is as good a time as any to print a retraction. Let me set the record straight by clarifying: Linkmeister paid for his own domain name, okay? Not Lee, as previously reported. Yes the wonderfully benevolent Lee is footing the bills for his and Kare’s hosting… but Linkmeister paid for his own domain name. By himself. With his own money. Not by some giiiiiirrrrrrrl….
It’s a “guy” thang. Don’t try and understand it.
My apologies, Mr. Timberlake. :0)
You’re married… stop that! Yes I’m married. But I’m not dead (I think.). It’s come to my attention that my flirtacious nature with female *FRIENDS* has become a bit of a problem with certain people. Making someone feel good about themselves seems to be a crime with the “morality police”, these days.
Well, please allow me to apologize…
I’m sorry for not telling you to “Fuck Off” sooner.
You don’t know me…. I’m *above* your petty judgments, asshole.
Raising Hell is currently running a great Father’s Day issue today. Including a reprint (at BobtheCorgi’s suggestion) of my “Dear Tom”.
After being “banished” upstairs all day yesterday, so the kids can finish all of their gifts… here’s a tip to fathers all across the world:
Today is NOT your day. It’s theirs.
Mother’s have known that for years. You know how they master the art of choking down the burnt toast, and force themselves to eat the runny eggs you and the kids attempted to cook for “Mother’s Day”? They smile, and tell you how much they loved breakfast in bed… and then shoo you & the kids out of the house so they can clean the disaster you left behind in their kitchen?
Same concept.
Children spend their entire “child life” seeking the love and approval of their parents. Father’s Day is somewhat of a larger-scale manifestation of that. They want you to know they love you and find the most creative ways to show it. Every year, I encourage them to keep their allowance money and explore their creative side. Love is free. And home-made gifts take so much more work and thoughtfulness.
The same way, I can look back at last year’s adventure where they tricked me into riding a horse for the first time, I can look fondly at my new “Floppy Disk holder” (comprised of painted popsicle sticks, hot-glued together), my new “container to hold stuff” (painted white with flowers and hearts), my “door of love” (a load of adorable little messages written on napkins and paper-clipped together), the cards, the pictures.
It’s the stuff memories are made of. You take life as it comes, see the love and the thoughtfulness behind it… and in time it becomes the memories that warm your heart, and make you want to hug the stuffings out of them for years to come.
Early, this morning my son and I got busted by Carole playing with his superhero toys in the upstairs foyer. I wanted to keep him occupied so everyone can sleep late. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!
Today… I am the luckiest guy on the planet. :0)
Yes gang, the Redesign of the Pocono Record Online is coming along quite nicely… thank you. New macros are being added to include the database which feed the headlines right to this site, and an XML file in NITF format… because contracts are signed and we are officially MSNBC.Com affiliates now.
I learned my lesson from last time. I asked “What do you think?”, and people were tossing constructive criticism all over the place.
You were supposed to tell me how marvelous I am, not criticize it, and suggest how to make it better. What the hell is the matter with you people? 😀
Now if I can only stop clicking on this link every five minutes, I may be able to concentrate….RAAAAAWWWWRRRRR!
More quiz fun from the Queen of Weblogs:
Life as an INTP
(Introvert, Intuitive, Thinker, Perceiver)
People of this type tend to be: quiet, independent, and private; logical and unemotional; creative, ingenious, and innovative, global thinkers; curious and driven to increase their competence; casual, and adaptive; nonconforming and unpredictable.
The most important thing to INTPs is their privacy and the opportunity to solve complex problems in unique ways.
Well, yeah… but what about my blackouts, memory loss, fluctuating weight, hair loss, and the fact that I suck at math, and everyone hates me???? Hey it’s the Meyer-Briggs test, based on the work of Carl Jung (who would probably say I designed this site to look like a penis on purpose!) take it with a grain of air…
Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.
