Author: Eric Brooks

An open apology to my friends

Posted on by Eric Brooks

In regards to one of my previous remarks on “Enemy of the State”… the one where I said “I have no friends”.

I know I should have dealt with this sooner… this has gone though many, many drafts on my desktop, all while the other posts were going on.

I’ve concluded that the more I say… the worse I’ll make it. To some of you, this will look like I’m just copying and pasting this from your emails when you complained. This isn’t for you. This is for all of the others I hurt that *didn’t say anything* to me. No links. You know who you are.

Do I have friends on the web? Of course I do.

I have friends, who were freshly burned by Kaycee, and sent me money to get my kids back, anyway. I have friends that sent us christmas cards, and gifts for the kids, knowing I couldn’t do the same for them. I have friends that listened to me cry on the phone. I have friends that I have shared the most painful, crippling moments of this entire ordeal with… the chapters of the story that will never see its way to a web page. I have friends that knew when to give advice. I have friends that knew when to just listen. I have friends that have *never* cast judgement. I have friends that cut me slack at work when family problems were overwhelming. I have friends that offered me a home on their websites, servers, and comment boxes when I needed a place to let it out. I have friends that have done some absolutely phenomenal things for me and my children, and have sworn me to never tell a soul what they did. I have friends that saw me say “I have no friends”, and weren’t offended…. they dropped me a line to say: “I know exactly what and who you meant by that.”

That remark was *NEVER* directed at my friends.
We’re going to leave it at that.

*You* have changed the lives of a family you may or may not ever meet. You need to know that. You need to know what you’ve done with your random acts of kindness and friendship. You need to know all you’ve done for me.

And *you* need to know that *I* know it too.
It may seem at times that I forgot all that, but I never did.

I am alone right now.

Not as a wounded puppy afraid to limp out into the sunlight again.
I am alone by choice.
It is the driving force at the core of my being.
It’s who I am.
I would have never found it again if it weren’t for my friends.
This is not so much an apology as much as it is an acknowlegment, a “thank you” to you…
…my friends.

For I am truly blessed, and sometimes wonder what I ever did to deserve any of you.

Now enough of this “reality” bullshit, y’all… I’m gonna have a good time anyway! ;0)

The truth about boys, Uhm, I mean MEN…

Posted on by Eric Brooks

I posted this really frisky dream I had last night in someone’s comments section. Of course, not here… you’d have to know where to look.

Not that you *care*… I’m just saying. :0)

I would also like to add to the ongoing discussion, and confirm Miss Smarty pants’ allegation that men “stalk” too…

We sure do BAY-BEE!

  • I can’t tell you how many times my “Little Black Book” had numbers from girls whom I overheard giving it out to someone else, then I had to come up with some clever answer when they asked how I got their number…
  • Or how many times I’d take an alternate route home from school, for the sole purpose of following a girl (that usually didn’t even know I was alive) home…
  • Or my explaining to my boss that I was an hour and a half late because of “train problems” (which the “problem” entailed me getting off at a different stop, because that’s where a real cutie went..)

    • See? Sure us guys are generally dumb as posts… but we have our tactics too. :0)

    (*My apologies to any males who feel this is, in any way of a “betrayal”, giving out some of our tricks… but “wimmenkind” think we’re “totally dense” and, I’m trying to correct that*)

    In this day and age, maybe “stalking” probably isn’t the best word to use. But there is a *fundamental difference* between a guy following you around, trying to summon up the courage to ask you out… or an emotionally disturbed individual who wants to put your head in a jar of formaldehyde, okay? A *BIG* difference. :0)

    And if Ruth (from the third grade, whom I gave a black eye once) is reading this: I’m sorry…I *really* didn’t mean to hit you that hard, and *YOU’RE* the reason I am obsessed with redheads, baby! YOW!!!! :0)

    Of course, you’re, like, really friggin’ *old* now… EEP!

    An open apology to my “friends” is coming up… I didn’t mean for this to run so long…

    The truth about women…

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Here is a *GREAT* blog entry, for us men… also known as “The Dumber Sex“:

    “Men, did you honestly think that you saw us wherever you went due to some oddly karmic twist in fate? NO! It took a lot of hard work and dedication to just turn up when you least expected it, seemingly at random! ”

    Oh, well ain’t *THAT* the friggin’ truth!!!??!!??

    I remember when I used to hang out with my best friend John. He had a studio in the back room of his apartment, we did a lot of recording, or just hanging out.

    A lot of the times I was there, John’s wife, Janet, had a friend over. Made perfect sense. She and her friend, Carole both kept each other company while the “hotshot musicians” played in the back room.

    She also came bearing gifts too… my greatest weakness…FOOD. (I was surviving on ketchup sandwiches at that point.) Trays of it. She was a caterer.

    Well, even with her constantly around… it took “Mr. Badass Guitarist/Singer” weeks to finally get the courage to ask her for her phone number.

    … and it took *years* of marriage to Carole for her to finally admit it was a setup all along! Everytime Janet heard I was coming over, she called Carole.

    So HA! HA! on YOU Tess!!!! I’m blowing the whistle on you and, all of wimmen-kind!!!!!

    They’re plotting against us, guys!!! BE VERY AFRAID!

    And…and… they make you *fat*, so you’re repulsive to other women. That’s how they keep you.
    *PPPPTBBBTHHHHHHHHH!!!!!*

    The web, real or fake?

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Some people feel that the web is too fake…

    As I said in Lynn’s comments today, people’s websites are people telling their *OWN* stories.

    “It’s not that different on the web. It’s still people, and ‘their side of the story’. People need to realize that the very nature of a weblog is someone ‘telling their story’. You will only know what they want you to know. It doesn’t make it right or wrong.

    It’s all as real or as fake as you allow it to be.”

    If you ask me, I have found the web to be way too damn real in the past few months.

    What do you think?

    So, what happened to Enemy of the State?

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Hmmmm…
    Basically I mass emailed a bunch of you, let you know what my future plans are. With all of my maniacal ranting, and the CPS court case up for review next month… I don’t think having archives up was very wise.

    Besides, I’m tired of reality.
    I’m tired of doom and gloom…
    I’m tired of whining.
    I’m a doer, not a whiner.

    I wanted to get a little goofy, put up “Rik Havyk’s Funhouse”, kind of like a puppet show for all my pals, if you will.

    Well, most of you are just a tad sick of fake online personas.
    The wounds are still too fresh. Hey, that’s cool.

    I can still see your charred flesh and exposed layers of meat and nerves….

    *stops to finish his eggplant hoagie and continues…*

    So I shut it down. Temporarily.

    I’m not comfortable with people seeing the real me. Knowing too much. Having too much information.

    That’s how I bring people down.
    I can get inside their heads, learn their fears, their weaknesses. Learn how to hear to what someone *isn’t* saying.

    Of course I spoke to kd. She supports my decision, and leaving the door open for me…. the doll that she is.

    I also wonder about the half truths, and the parts I keep leaving out (insiders know it all)… but is that any different from lying? I’d rather say nothing at this point.

    A lot has changed in the past few weeks.

    *Taps the 9″ bulletproof plexiglass walls surrounding the place; installed during one of Faith’s flame wars (Ah! The good ol’ days!)*

    Ain’t nobody getting into this place, bay-bee….. you’re all safe here.

    To be continued….

    KayCee Nicole: One Year Later

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    KayCee Nicole... a bright new Angel in the heavensI’m not gonna lie to you. I cried like a baby at my desk.

    My boss gave me a little time to go outside, have a cigarette, compose myself.

    I’m actually remembering this as I just saw Miz Kitty’s Post, and Dan’s thoughts on the matter.

    I never understood the anger afterward though. People, no one ever heard of before in KayCee’s circle of friends, showed up all over MetaFilter like rabid pitbulls, forming a mob. I have to question how much were they emotionally invested in this privately that they were suddenly so bitter and vicious (I mean to the point of obsession!) over it all.

    Yes, the people closest to “KayCee” were shocked, hurt… and basically knocked for a loop as they just realized that they were living a lie.

    But they didn’t stop caring after that.

    A lot of you were there, so I won’t even attempt to re-write history. I defended her at MetaFilter, when I should have shut up and waited for the facts to come in. Ran my own private investigation, got called a “sicko”, watched my words get twisted by the same idiots that told you to “trust no one”, yet you questioned them… and they got loud and defensive.

    *deep cleansing breath* Let’s not go there… that was then, this is now.

    KayCee may not have been real, but what we all felt was. The turmoil we felt was “throwing out the baby with the bathwater”. Kind of screwed people up to think that they had such emotions invested in someone that never existed.

    Was that really such a bad thing? To reach out and care for a total stranger??? Even if it means the risk of getting burnt?

    Dan quotes a song based loosely on 1 Corinthians 13:1, which basically means that without love… it all means nothing..

    On the web, it’s all pretty one sided. This weblog is no exception. You only can know what the author *wants* you to know. There may be another side to the story… it may be exaggerated… it may be pure unadulterated bullshit.

    If it’s too great of a risk, then there are “Kaycee Nicoles” all around you in real life. It may not be leukemia…. they may be hungry, they may be homeless, they just may need someone to listen.

    Are you gonna stop caring? Are you going to close your heart for good?

    I can’t. It’s just not in my nature.

    “I’d like to think if one of us needed something, we’d react the same way again.“

    Awwww… you bet your bippy, Dan!
    (Except maybe next time I’ll shut the f**k up on MetaFilter…) ;0)

    Thanks guys. I really needed to see this. 🙂

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