Category: As The Web Burns

Looking for web drama? We got lots of it!

Help Wanted: Straight man for comedy routines

Posted on by Eric Brooks

… well the ‘straight man’ can be gay, too. Just don’t look for me to share the same hotel room when we go on tour. (I’m homophobic on Tuesdays and Saturdays… rest of the week, I’m okay up until the third ‘Racist Friday’ of the month…. then there’s the half hour of ‘religious piety’ and 15.2 seconds of ‘political correctness’ each second month…)

Inspired by Cootie’s Ready Made Punchlines, and I figure if I add a few of my “starters”, maybe someone can come in, whip up a middle part and make some decent jokes…
Continue reading “Help Wanted: Straight man for comedy routines”

I got yer attitude right here, Canada-boy!

Posted on by Eric Brooks

You have a Shitty Attitude! Go figure.
You have a Shitty Attitude! Go figure.
You’re an asswipe. It’s that simple.
You’re whiney, annoying, and tiresome.
One day, someone’s gonna smack you.
Take the What the Hell Kinda Attitude is That? Quiz at aka cooties

(Via Michele. And yes, I’m as shocked at the results as you are.
Cooties is out to get me. Simple as that.)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

OOH! I had a visit to my site by THE MAN today at 10AM (checking his stats, obviously)…

So… remind me why YOU people think YOU’RE so special???? :0P

Opinions…

Posted on by Eric Brooks

“Opinions are like assholes… everyone has one, and they all stank.”

Please don’t think this is directed at anyone. Actually it’s more like directed at EVERYONE (except you, of course).

I’m sick of opinions. I’m sick of blogs with opinions. I’m sick of blogs with opinions, where it’s so obvious that the writer is reaching some sort of epiphany with a lesson in life that they should have learned in their mid-20’s.

I try my very best here to tackle topics with satire, rather than express a point of view. There’s enough opinions on every subject in the world in blogland… I figure you need mine like a whole in the head.

What are your thoughts on opinions?
We’d like to know.

In other news…

Posted on by Eric Brooks

It seems the dispute below has been dealt with…
Pages have been taken down, and certain comments were asked to be removed…

So before I’m accused of being a “ghoul” or a “vulture” (It’s okay when *I* say it. When YOU say it… it’s WRONG!), time to move on.

In other news: I found the terminator for my scanner. It’s been missing since I moved in April.

dongle.gif

While it looks like a DONGLE (in it’s thickness and fatness, and the fact that you stick it in the rear of a port.). It is NOT a DONGLE, it is a TERMINATOR.

Everyone see the distinction?

Lotsa pics are on the way….
(No not of me “plugging” the rear of a port… this is a FAMILY-ORIENTED site, you dirty little monkeys… I’m talking about pics in a scanner! YEESH!)

Cat-fight (or W.W.N.D.)?

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Oh man… this one is ugly, and involves a cat that sadly passed away.
No one in their right mind would comment or link to this particular debacle.

Fortunately for everyone, I don’t let silly things like “conventional sanity” and/or “common decency” get in the way of bringing you the very best and most entertaining flame wars on the web…

I’m like a vulture.
Only funnier. :0)Brawl of the Week

Cal (Gammerstang) -vs- Kimberly (Erratic Frog)

Yep… insiders *knew* this was coming…
The story was: Cal gave Kimberly a cat. Kimberly took care of it. The cat recently passed away.

The debate now lies in its cause of death, who’s negligent, and is there a private agenda going on to either get sympathy or trash someone.
Continue reading “Cat-fight (or W.W.N.D.)?”

New Elitist bastard on the block…

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Of course I expect 100% of the credit for Mike (aka Cooties) making his meteoric rise to the top of Blogdex yesterday.

Surely the million billion tens of thousands twelve people that visit me every day saw the link, and added it to their site for this surprising last-minute miracle….

Of course, success hasn’t spoiled our humble little Mr. Brown, whose credits to our community include creating the Z-List Blog & ZForum, creating chatrooms (BatChat, Faith’s Chat, etc…), The Pepys Project, and Fun with FormMail abuse….
Continue reading “New Elitist bastard on the block…”

So close to the deadline…

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Mike needs to be famous… and fast.

Who am I to deny one of the most under-rated bloggers out there his moment of fame and glory? Today’s the deadline…. please help him out with this link on *YOUR* site.

Would he do it for you?
Probably not.
But this isn’t about you, is it?
Must EVERYTHING BE ABOUT YOU??!!?? ALL THE FRIGGIN’ TIME?????

Jeez. You make me sick.
(Urgency via Sherri)

There, I’m over it, see?

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Thanks guys. I needed a good, long break from the web to get myself back together (what was it, like four hours?).

Tess is back with a Woman Questionnaire.
It’s even funnier than the first!
(Would the person from Minnesota, who went there via this site just to offer the brilliant answer of “Piss Off”, over and over, kindly take your own advice?)

It seems many of you are here from search engines wondering what your rights are…

That would be here: The First Amendment for Dummies.

First time here? Confused?
I should post a permanent link, but here’s my F.A.Q. for now.

I’m expecting company, can’t you tell?

PS: ashrenee7 (rest of email withheld), since your emails keep bouncing back, I had to remove you from my “notify” list. Who the hell are you, anyway?

Have you accepted -e- as your personal Lord and Saviour?

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Michele has them. Rachel has them. I want them.

No. Not hooters…
Testimonials… and I think they’re cool.

I was on the phone with Kimberly (of Benign Vertigo/Erratic Frog Fame) last week, and we were chuckling over her “Why? Because you’re an Überdick.” line.

Yes, I thought that was hilarious.
Flaming someone with a certain panache seems like a lost art these days. :0)

I also have Matt Rossi’s classic “Festering Balls of Jesus, we’re all gonna die!” of almost three years ago on MetaFilter.

Anybody want to come up with some fun testimonials for me? I’ll have two or three run randomly with links to you…
I’d do it myself, but in case you haven’t noticed by the lame posts here lately… we’re kind of tapping a burnt-out dry well here.

The funnier, nastier, and more creative the better.
(I have a feeling John is going to have us all pissing our pants in this one.)
Thanks, and have a day!
-e-

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Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.

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