Category: The -=e=- Show

Inside my world of mayhem! I am a Problem Adult, what can I say?

Second Step Program

Posted on by Eric Brooks

Forgive me, as this may take several drafts, I’m kind of distracted these days.

We had a function at the school on Wednesday, a spaghetti dinner for charity.

Mainly it was for a very young and attractive teacher to explain the Second Step Program. She seemed to pay extra attention to me during the dinner, and while giving the presentation, and it was hard to concentrate past her sparkling green eyes and her conservatively dressed, yet oh-so-gropable body.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the Second Step Program.
Anyway, I think it’s an interesting concept where kids are taught to resolve conflicts with empathy… basically getting inside the other person’s head and knowing how they feel. To systematically examine the problem and *both parties* work together to resolve it.

A lot of words were lost, as I was (as usual) doing another 48 hour day, and I could swear her blouse was unbuttoning by my sheer mental telepathy.

I can see this going one of two ways. I had a pretty fucked up childhood. I think most of us did, when you look back… being intimidated by bullies, made fun of, rejection, inadequacy…

Well, eye contact was out of the question… they were too dazzling, and the exploding peek-a-boo hooters forced me to keep drifting off into thoughts of fucking her brains out right there in front of the very uptight crowd… to I tried concentrating on what she said by watching her mouth. Those soft, moist, full lips, her eager… wet… mouth… just….

OH GOD… BRB!!!!

Okay, I’m back… where was I?
Oh yeah (I’m clear-headed now.)

I’m trying to imagine a world where kids are taught early on to resolve conflicts with cold reasoning, bullies putting themselves in the victim’s position and not picking on them anymore….

At face value, I think that’s awesome.

On the other hand, we ARE who we ARE, because of these traumatic childhood experiences.

  • Would I be as creative as I am now, if I didn’t retreat into a fantasy world as a kid?
  • Would I be as over-protective of my family as I am if I wasn’t fucked with and constantly tormented?
  • Would I be able to handle some of the situations I’ve been in with the same balls of steel if it *WEREN’T* for the trials by fire I had to endure early on?

    • I don’t know, I am so tossed up about this program. While every one is thinking about all the future Jeffrey Dahmers and D.C. Snipers being averted, I wonder how many kids will use the skill of “getting inside people’s heads” and becoming future Hannibal Lechters?

    Everyone sees a future of peace and harmony, and I’m seeing a generation of wimps not knowing what to do during a terrorist attack or a hostile army taking over.

    In the immortal words of Captain Kirk: “I NEED my pain.”
    I need my creativity, my wits, & my borderline-insanity to survive.
    I needed the events that shaped me into who I am… ‘cuz I kinda like me.

    I dunno, somebody give me some perspective here… tell me what *YOU* think about the program. Considering homicide is the #2 cause of death of our 12 to 24 year olds… maybe teaching kids to control their impulses and emotions early on is a good thing. Maybe I’m not seeing the big picture here, or are these people just too optimistic as I feel there will *ALWAYS* be a predator somewhere in the shadows of our society???

    I wonder if she’s listed in the phone book? :0)

    Write, e, WRITE!!!!

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Ok… let’s think of something profound here…

    uhm…
    uhm…

    I heard the cutest thing the other day by my…
    wait. court orders, can’t write about it. scratch that…

    Uhm… today, I was playing with Visual Basic and I discovered you can convert…
    Too boring. Who cares.

    Making some great money, helping my …
    Wait. That’ll piss her off. She doesn’t want to be mentioned on the web just yet.

    I started working on the new designs for a…
    top secret. can’t talk about it. damn.

    I want to write about something that will captivate everyone… Something that will make you laugh, cry, think, talk about it, change your life.

    Uhm… yeah.
    And I will… you’ll see.

    Yep.

    Sure-fire lines

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Have a pest annoying you? Here are a few lines GUARANTEED to stop them in thier tracks…

  • Doting new parents that *constantly* urge you to hold their child/see pictures:“Awwwwww…. (s)he is TOO CUTE!”
    “Adopted?”
  • People that hang over your food when you’re trying to eat:
    “Eeeeew, I think someone’s trying to kill me! Try this. Does this taste like rat poison to you?”
  • Get rid of telemarketers:
    People have it backwards. They try to get *off* the phone with these guys, when they are armed with a million responses to keep you on the phone. 

    Turn the tables on them by getting *REALLY* personal and chatty. Remember, they’re paid a commission for every lead they generate… if they see it’s going nowhere, and you keep directing the topic back to a pointless conversation… *THEY* will be the ones to try and get rid of *YOU*.

    …. which unfortunately, is not covered in the training manual. :0)

    Worst case scenario, is their supervisor will assume they’re goofing off and having a personal phone call and get fired. Of course you don’t want that to happen. Do you?

  • Sure-fire line to get you a seat on a bus or subway:
    (Hover over intended target and say:) “I think I’m gonna throw up.”
  • You’re on the date from hell, it’s raining, she doesn’t want to get wet, and you want to end this…ASAP:“Awww, honey…. don’t worry. Only *sugar* melts in the rain.”
    “Doo-doo kinda clumps together.”

    • Power and Stupidity…

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Yes… it is 4:45, and I’m about to go to sleep. (again)

    I redid the door and window for poser, and I’ll send them out to everyone who asked tomorrow (or the next day, or…).

    It was brought to my attention what I have known all along:
    I am a moron.

    See the “Subscribe for updates” box on the right? I was getting a complex because no one has signed up recently… fact is the damn thing hasn’t been working since the jump to undisturbed.org.

    It works know…
    If you signed up before, and haven’t had an update mailed to you in months… well, I lost your address during the move.

    Why? Like I said, I’m a moron.

    Well, no major news here… well it is major to me.
    I registered to vote on the day of the deadline.

    It will work like this… if you are an incumbent. I vote you out.
    Simple as that.
    I suddenly feel some sense of empowerment here. :0)

    I think everyone who thinks that it all sucks, should just vote ’em all out and let fresh blood take over… I mean, how much worse can it get? Especially all of the local ones… *THEY’RE* the ones who effect your daily life more than a president or senator.

    I know what you’re thinking… “e, that’s horrible…. putting people out of work like that, because you’re disenchanted with society????”

    Folks… they’re not “people” okay? They’re politicians. It’s all showbiz. They’ll rape their own mothers and put it on videotape if it means getting your votes. They’re the lowest species on earth. Just below slugs, algae, and casting directors.

    Do yourself a favor and boot them all out.
    I’m looking forward to having an ex-judge ask me:
    “Would you like fries with that, sir?”

    hee hee!

    Obsession (My life in brief)…

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Dammit to hell…
    This program will work, I will not be sick, I will not die, and I will have yet another publication fully automated by Friday!!!!

    I am so run down….

    Running on one one less pint of blood doesn’t help either. Monday was the company blood drive & I forgot all about it until I saw my appointment card… no sleep, no food, give blood. Why not? Only 16 employees gave blood, and the woman coordinating it was begging us to stay committed.

    What a difference from last year where I went to three places, and they either ran out of bags, or the line went around the block to a four hour wait…

    My arm is all bruised and I look like a heroin addict. But hey…. I’m saving a life somewhere, and that’s always cool.

    * Here’s the problem… I don’t bruise. I never bruise. And I sure as hell wouldn’t stay bruised three days later. Something is wrong with me, but I got no time for that right now… only the coroner will know for sure.

    * Had a photo shoot on Tuesday, all attempts to download the damn picture has failed… that’s what I get for zipping and rushing up upload them to my private network folder… oh well, I’ll get them tomorrow.

    * Searing mouth pain… years of grinding my teeth from stress, has caused me to lose most of my back molars. Every now and then, I find me pulling cracked pieces of teeth out with my bare hands, as the blinding pain makes be temporarily lose my concentration. Other pieces fall in to the crevices and get wedged into exposed nerves and cause abscesses. I usually unwedge them with a straw. (No one wants to drink from my soda after that, wonder why?) Now that I have medical coverage, time to see a dentist, no?

    * Batgrl & Beckett are safely evacuated… Hurricane Lili has been downgraded to a Category 3 storm and is expected to hit Louisiana and Texas any minute now… good thoughts her way.

    Uhm, where was I? Oh yeah…. CODING!
    *back to ignoring all of you….*

    Ugh… it’s that *month* again.

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    The unimaginable happens to me and those close to me every October. This is the month where the “worst case scenario” is almost a guarantee. Here in Anarchtica, it is to the benefit of all elected officials that statistics are in the extremes…

    If you are in front of a judge this month, you are guaranteed to be incarcerated for even the tiniest of infractions. Prisons are filled to the brim this month, as judges, district attorneys, and anyone else up for re-election can boast of their “high conviction rates”, “low crime”, and how they’ve “taken criminals off the streets”.

    You are nothing more than a sacrificial lamb for their statistics. You’re not quite innocent, but you are *definitely* not the hardened criminal they make you out to be. You are run through the system as “just a number”…

    …and your family can’t do a damn thing about it.

    Come November, the incumbents will win in a landslide…
    Why? Because those living a trouble-free life will buy into this PR bullshit.

    The recipients of this heavy-handed justice aren’t allowed near a voting booth for at least 60 days. Their family’s spirits are too broken to even consider voting these jokers out of office, though they should anyway.

    Their voices will never be heard and their stories will never be told.
    It’s a win-win situation for the truly corrupt.
    It’s set up that way.

    Not to worry. All is fine in my world…
    At least that I know of. There’s nothing pending for any of us.

    It was finished in my war last year, where losing meant “losing everything”. Victory over that war came at an unimaginable price to so many people around me.

    Like I said, this is the month where the “inconceivable” happens.

    There are still the bad guys, and old scores to settle. New plots of retaliation. I sit quietly in the darkness, with my glistening blade, and wait for them to come.

    Welcome to my dark and scary world.

    I approach October with baited breath, apprehension, and all the bitterness of days gone past.

    I hate October.
    But bring it on anyway.

    The First Amendment for dummies.

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    (Does this sound like anyone you know? I can think of at least five people off the top of my head….)

    Idiot: “Dammit to hell, this ‘Freedom of Speech’ stuff is bullshit. We don’t have it!”

    Me: “Sure we do.”

    Idiot: “Everytime I open my mouth, someone attacks me in my comments.”

    Me: “Well, they have freedom of speech too, remember?”

    Idiot: “It’s not RIGHT!!!!”

    Me: “Yeah, that “freedom” stuff is a bitch, ain’t it?”
    Continue reading “The First Amendment for dummies.”

    This post will go bye-bye…

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    There’s no comments on this post, because like the post below, it will be safely tucked away where it belongs. Where no one needs to see it.

    Just so there’s no speculation, or rumors, let me just get this out.

    My wife was four months pregnant.
    She checked into the hospital two days ago to check out the numbness in her fingers. The sonogram didn’t detect a heartbeat.

    The constant stress and pressure of our lives proved to be too much, and the baby died. My wife is also believed to be diagnosed with the early stages of multiple sclerosis.

    Many of you know, and the outpouring of love from the web community has been overwhelming.

    I just wanted you all to know that we’re home from the hospital, and the procedure went well. The Mrs. is fine.

    The fetus was too small to determine the sex… so we have named him/her “Angel”. There will be a memorial service here with the family as everyone is devastated.

    The web right now… is irrelevant.
    My family needs me.

    Thank you all, and I love you all very much.

    -e & family –

    [This post will self-destruct by dawn.
    This is a side of me that no one will ever be allowed to see anymore.]

    I’m too friggin’ tired to be profound..

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Tomorrow, something upbeat, gossipy, and whimsical…

    Just I don’t have the time and I’m exhausted.
    I’m fine, guys. Faith can even tell you, when she called to check up on me & the Mrs., that I’m all perky and stuff.

    However, there are others in the family that *could* use your prayers and good thoughts… and as always, I’ll be in your debt for it. Details have been sketchy, and that’s only because there are certain things I am no longer allowed to talk about, as you all know…. but most of you pieced the puzzle together. You guys are truly wonderful. Thank you.

    Just wanted to share a little tibit of knowledge I’ve learned in the past 24+ hours, and maybe this will help someone down the line:

    Sometimes things don’t *have* to have a reason for it to happen.
    It just happens.

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    Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.

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