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Life in the Poconos
(A conversation in the darkness)
“I did good, right?”
“You didn’t have to. We would have fought the armies of Hell for you.”
“I know… but there’s enough going on.”
“You didn’t have to do this. You were meant to be.”
“Apparently not. Hey, there’s an reason for all of this. We just don’t know it yet.”
You inherited my uncanny ability of bad timing…
And my sense of self-sacrifice.
Off to the Heavens, my little warrior angel….
Daddy will always love you.
We were all watching the local news out here Friday, when we stumbled onto the image of a man sentenced to life for murder on the screen.
Melissa is about 98% sure he was one of the clowns that robbed her last summer.
On the plus side, justice is served as this guy will never see the light of day, and there’s no need for her, another friend working there, and two teenage kids needing to testify about the harrowing night they were forced on the floor at gunpoint and robbed…
On the down side, they know now that one of those men were *already* wanted for murder, and would have killed them without hesitating.
Aaah… never a dull moment in my world.
Well, it’s official… Skarlet is my first official ping for her “Weird Phone calls“.
Only three people in the entire country *DIDN’T* know yesterday was a National Holiday…
…and they *ALL* seemed to find her.
I do believe today’s message came darn close though. It was anonymous left to our editor, which I had to hear in case the story ran on the web. It involves the closing of a chain of stores and the photo had an employee crying at the prospect of losing her job:
The phone call:
“I can’t believe you put a BLACK WOMAN on your front page!!! I swear to God, I’ll never buy your paper again if you don’t remember that WHITE PEOPLE come first…. those goddamn Blacks are ruinin’ everything here!!!”
Of course my only response was “well, a ‘heil hitler’ to you too, sir!”, followed by much laughter and jokes involving generations of inbreeding by our staff.
We will miss his patronage… as well as “Mr. Bunker’s” wit and wisdom.
Aw hell, we were also called “Socialists” in the “Letters to the Editors” page today, because we all think Ashcroft is a totalitarian asswipe (my words, not the papers. I’m paraphrasing.)
The phone call was anonymous, of course.
And if it makes a difference to anyone out there, the woman was Puerto Rican, not Black. I know her.
Welcome to 1950’s Mississippi.
*pops alka seltzer, yet still can’t control the giggling over stoopidity*
… I found out I wasn’t invincible after all.
I also found out just how unforgiving I am, too.
I was working out a complex formula.
Due to a mathematical error, the results proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that I don’t exist.
*WHEW*
I suck at math.
On a personal note, a certain unnamed caseworker has a broken leg due to a freak accident.
“Curse of the Warlock” strikes again.
*SweetLittleInnocentGrin*
It just came to my attention, that here in the resort, that there are at least two female exchange students from Russia that don’t want to go back.
Their plan is to land husbands… the line forms at the left.
They’re actually quite attractive, hardly any facial hair. 😀
Naw, seriously… they’re actually cuties, guys.
And no “humps & dumps”… uhm, that ploy was already tried today. 😉
And once again I have been asked by someone in the community if I know “any available guys”. When did I suddenly become “a matchmaker”??? What is it, my uncanny ability to spot a scumbag a mile away???
Allow me to share my most prized secrets:
Tip #1: The handshake test. I don’t know how well this will work with ladies, because even I ease up on the grip with women considerably. But with guys? If I feel like I’m shaking a dead fish… you’re fucked. You are a sleazy douchebag with something to hide. A certain someone never listens to my warning about the “handshake test” with their boyfriends… and I have *never* been wrong.
Tip #2: If they are looking up, to *your left* (their right) during a difficult question…THEY’RE LYING. They are accessing the right hemisphere of their brain (the creative side) for something “good” to tell you.
Tip #3: You want me to fix you up with a hot available studmuffin (it kills me to say, there’s plenty in the Poconos… some are even better lookin’ than me. Only SOME.)…. There is a right way and a wrong way…
Crazy people have feelings too, you know. 🙁
Welcome to my Metropolis: The bustling city of Stroudsburg, PA… the epicenter, the “command center” (if you will) of the Poconos. Where the plans for a new resort are presented, where the judges decide your fate, where all things “Pocono” are first presented before a committee, where the news reports it all…
The town I left NYC for. I lovingly refer to Stroudsburg as “The city that goes to bed at a reasonable hour.” :0)
My job is to present the news online to 60,000 people a day. What goes on the front page is my call. In lieu of the Three part AP series “The man without a face”, I opt to feature Dr. Kirit Kothari and his work.
It’s politics mostly. Dr. Kothari is a big advertiser at the Pocono Record. He’s the sponsor of our Pocono Weekend site, and I had the pleasure of finishing his Pain Management site last month. He takes care of us, we take care of him. Simple.
It’s “race weekend” here in the Poconos. Despite my personal feelings toward Jeff Gordon, I still put him in as Top Local Sports. Gotta be objective in the news biz. :0)
Since Thursday, the front page was covered with the tragic death of Dominick Lockwood. Struck down while crossing the street, three blocks from me. An area where two men were sprayed with bullets from an uzi a few weeks ago.
The story of Lockwood’s death was touching. The photo featured the motorist breaking down and crying, clutching a parking meter… seeking solace and forgiveness from the cold metal object.
He was a prominent man here in the Poconos. A lawyer, a developer… truth be told, the first time I ever saw the words “beloved” and “landlord” used in the same sentence. The sad countenance of the newsroom all this week let me to believe that all of today’s columns and editorials would be about him. What a great guy he was… yadda, yadda, yadda.
Truth be told, I never understood why it was such a “big deal”. It was sad. It was tragic. But was it front page news for three days? While I am slowly growing in power, and meeting the key players here in the Poconos…
Still, I eshew the conventional, if I can help it.
I gravitate toward the quirky and offbeat.
*They* make life interesting.
My mind travels back to certain lunch hours, where I’d trek down to the A-Plus convenience store (former place of employment of Carole & Melissa.). I think of this funny-looking little man, with wild hair & a bow tie. Truth be told, he looked like he wandered out of a time machine from the late 1800’s.
The girls behind the counters giggled, as he tied the line up with one of his anecdotes, or his stories. He made people smile though.
He fascinated me.
Once upon a time I loved meeting the colourful characters that put that extra “zing” in life. I spent lunch hours as a messenger in NYC buying a homeless person something to eat, and sitting with them for a while. To get inside their minds, see life though their eyes, to absorb a little bit of their psyche and keep it within me forever…
But that was then. Now… I’m nothing more than a broken and bitter warrior who posted a “No Vacancy” sign over my heart. No one was getting in. Not even the wierd little guy that I couldn’t stop staring at.
… and don’t think he didn’t try. :0)
We came to an understanding that he could say “hi” and make me smile when he saw me… and that was it.
Today, it seemed my world and Stroudsburg’s collided. As I assembled the touching stories, and the fond memories, and the obituaries for today’s edition…
It turns out, I knew Dominick Anthony Lockwood all along. He was that strange, charasmatic character that tried to make me smile at A-Plus the whole time.
Dammit.
All the missed opportunities, the chance to be stimulated by such a brilliant mind. Gone, because I wont let anyone in anymore.
Few men will leave the legacy that he did in the Poconos.
His friends are all at the funeral today to say goodbye. The powerful and elite, the man that didn’t mean to kill him, the people that he made smile on the streets. But rather than mourn his death… they will celebrate his life.
… because sometimes life is about living.
… siezing the day.
And making people smile.
Hmmmm…
Basically I mass emailed a bunch of you, let you know what my future plans are. With all of my maniacal ranting, and the CPS court case up for review next month… I don’t think having archives up was very wise.
Besides, I’m tired of reality.
I’m tired of doom and gloom…
I’m tired of whining.
I’m a doer, not a whiner.
I wanted to get a little goofy, put up “Rik Havyk’s Funhouse”, kind of like a puppet show for all my pals, if you will.
Well, most of you are just a tad sick of fake online personas.
The wounds are still too fresh. Hey, that’s cool.
I can still see your charred flesh and exposed layers of meat and nerves….
*stops to finish his eggplant hoagie and continues…*
So I shut it down. Temporarily.
I’m not comfortable with people seeing the real me. Knowing too much. Having too much information.
That’s how I bring people down.
I can get inside their heads, learn their fears, their weaknesses. Learn how to hear to what someone *isn’t* saying.
Of course I spoke to kd. She supports my decision, and leaving the door open for me…. the doll that she is.
I also wonder about the half truths, and the parts I keep leaving out (insiders know it all)… but is that any different from lying? I’d rather say nothing at this point.
A lot has changed in the past few weeks.
*Taps the 9″ bulletproof plexiglass walls surrounding the place; installed during one of Faith’s flame wars (Ah! The good ol’ days!)*
Ain’t nobody getting into this place, bay-bee….. you’re all safe here.
No, I didn’t play against WSBG on Friday. I don’t *do* basketball. (Football, softball… maybe).
I was home with Johnny, while Carole took the girls to catch The Grand Skeem in concert at Fernwood. They were opening for City High (whom I heard SUCKED, despite what you may read.).
But I’m proud to say, The Pocono Record won, despite all of WSBG’s antics (read: CHEATING). And I was more than happy to share in Monday’s “Victory Pizza Party”.
The Adorable Brooks Kidz are big fans of The Grand Skeem (who filmed “Baby Got Back” at Fernwood a few weeks ago, and the kids got to meet them when they premiered the video at the Stroud Mall.)
There’s pics of The Adorable Brooks Kidz & The Grand Skeem on the MAX 106.3 website (I lost the URL… and I’m waiting to hear back from the Webmaster there… Carole’s friends with the morning DJ, Chaz, so he introduced the kids & spoiled them rotten!)
I hear on a tour break, The Grand Skeem is actually coming to my house…
I’ll let you know how I feel about this later….
Congratulations are in order to Matthew Birkbeck of the Pocono Record for winning the Investigative Reporters and Editors award for his investigative series:
“A price too HIGH”… blowing the Home Builder/Inflated Appraisal scandal in the Poconos wide open.
It’s been long known as the Poconos’ “Dirty Little Secret”, where creative financing is used to lure New Yorkers to buy homes which end up worth a fraction of the cost by a real appraisal. The end result is you have a house you can’t afford, and no way to refinance for a better rate. (And you know how I was burnt!)
The news report focuses primarily on Raintree Homes (who sued the Pocono Record and lost…BIG TIME.), but I can assure you there are many more uscrupulous home builders just like them. New Yorkers really need to do their homework, before considering a move to the Poconos.
(Check out this spoof site of Raintree’s… it’s hilarious!)
Congratz, Matt!!!!
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Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.
