Opinions…

“Opinions are like assholes… everyone has one, and they all stank.”

Please don’t think this is directed at anyone. Actually it’s more like directed at EVERYONE (except you, of course).

I’m sick of opinions. I’m sick of blogs with opinions. I’m sick of blogs with opinions, where it’s so obvious that the writer is reaching some sort of epiphany with a lesson in life that they should have learned in their mid-20’s.

I try my very best here to tackle topics with satire, rather than express a point of view. There’s enough opinions on every subject in the world in blogland… I figure you need mine like a whole in the head.

What are your thoughts on opinions?
We’d like to know.

I was hoping for this…

After four hours of no comments, the fair citizens of CyberTown have spoken:
Nobody cares about “The Web argument that never ends”

Therefore neither do I.
Time to move on.
You will hear about it no more here.

Therefore, I will resume all the fun and usual antics here, when I get back from seeing Harry Potter at the movies today.

(Comments are still set to “Flamewar Mode”, in case anyone pulls any funny bidness…. I’ll change that when I get back)

An ambiguous post… just for you.

YOU SUCK!
YOU THINK EVERYTHING IN THE WORLD IS ABOUT YOU!!!
I CAN’T TAKE ANOTHER SECOND OF YOUR WHINING AND DRIVELING “POOR ME” BULLSHIT!

Whine! Whine! Whine! Whine! Whine! Whine!

Yeah I’m fucking talking to you!!!!
(No not *you*. You’ll flame me out of existence… I mean this to the little wimp behind you.)

How much more of your nauseating crap are you planning on putting us through, anyway? On and on about crap that nobody cares about.
(No I’m not really talking about you. It *IS* directed toward the big guy that can flame me out of existence, but I’m such a non-assertive chickenshit with confrontational issues, that I’d rather hurt everyone else’s feelings instead? Hope you understand.)

YAWN! YOU! SUCK!!!!!
DON’T LIKE IT? STOP COMING HERE, ASSHOLE!!!!!

Talk shit about me in your blog, and I’ll pop a cap in yo ass. Any questions?

You know…
Thank God none of us take what’s written in blogs seriously. If that were so, I’d have to pack a bulletproof vest and hire Jet Li when I go to BlogCon II. 🙂

I’m reading this article right now, where the police are issuing warrants in L.A. and Vegas, probing just-released-from-prison-last-year Marion “Suge” Knight and investigating the muders of Tupac Shakur and Notorius B.I.G.

It’s about damn time.

“A recent Los Angeles Times article speculated that Notorious B.I.G. was behind the Shakur murder.”
Oh gee… Ya think?????
Five years ago, I thought *EVERYBODY* knew that!

Not that this is anything new in the music biz, or even restricted in rap. Mötley Crüe seems to always be kicking some band’s ass that was talking shit about them in a magazine or on MTV.

You would think everyone would learn to rise above the petty vendettas, realize that their talents are netting them a great livelihood, and they are now in a business?

But then again, maybe the music business *IS* the problem.
Tupac’s & Biggie Smalls’ CD’s sold like hotcakes post-mortem. Look for a RUN-DMC “greatest hits” coming soon, and that will soar up the charts now that Jam Master Jay is gone.

(*I think this investigation including Jam Master Jay is a bit of a stretch… he wasn’t into this kind of bullshit. Quite frankly, the only reason I was interested in the article is because I was hoping there was a break in that case. I could give two shits less about any of these guys.*)

I suggest a better idea for the record industry that sees young, talented Black men as nothing more than a commodity… A BOXING MATCH.

Think about it. Marion “Suge” Knight -vs- Sean “P. Diddy” Combs on Pay-Per-View. I know I’d pay to see it. They wanna gun each other down afterward…? Who cares???? The public got some entertainment, and the powers that be make a shitload of money… a win-win situation for the record business.

Sounds like a fun idea for bloggers too. A new event for BlogCon.
I’m picturing Faith, Michele, or Melly taking on their longtime adversaries in a match of Jello Wrestling in bikinis and…and…

I gotta go, something suddenly came up!!!!!! 😀

Pocono Minute

It was a lovely brisk morning in downtown Stroudsburg, today. The foliage, amid the freshly fallen snow last night, had given our town a “Rockwell-esque” setting.

With my two buttered rolls and my morning soda, I briskly hurried to work.

The school crossing guard greeted me with “Have a nice day sir!”
I froze in my tracks and said to myself “What the fuck??!!??”

Look. I’m from the streets of Brooklyn… N-Y-C, okay?
I’ve had a *lot* of people try to scam and rob me, always engaging in a conversation first…

I never woulda expected it from some 142 year old crossing guard.

Yo, I was putting a stop to this shit. Do not pass go. Nuh-uh.

My first impulse was to pull out my .9mm, and cock the thing against her old, wrinkled forehead (just to scare the shit out of her), but I said, “nah”… she’d, like, die of a fucking heart attack, and somebody would blame me… watch.

So I just decided to chill, and just confront the old bitch. If she tried something, take my watch, or anything, I’d bitchslap her into the next township….

“Yo, what did you fucking say to me???”, I said politely, yet assertively.

“Excuse me???”, she blinks innocently.
Oh, she’s good. I decide to change my approach.

“Lemme ask you something, do you think you’re setting a good example to these kids by talking to a TOTAL FUCKING STRANGER????”
*start knocking on her grey skull*, “Heeellllloooooo????”

“AAAAAAAAH! Get away from me, you lunatic!!!! Or I’ll get the cops” she retorts back.

“I thought so.”, I said.
Shrugged my shoulders and left.

Later on, I heard her at the deli. Bantering on and on about how New Yorkers are ruining the Poconos with their bad attitudes…

Heeeeeey, I got yer “attitude” right here, ya old bitch!

Why nobody likes me (Part 2,153)

(As always, I’m posting on a time-delay due to hospital restrictions)

So, Friday was “Employee Appreciation Day“. Always a cool thing they do here every year… free food, raffles, door prizes, your supervisor serves you. Tres kewl.

Best of all: FREE COKES IN THE VENDING MACHINE!!!!!

Yadda, yadda, yadda. Friday’s done.
Saturday morning, I come in… and much to my surprise, the vending machine is *STILL* dispensing free soda.

WOO HOO! Breakfast is served.
Continue reading “Why nobody likes me (Part 2,153)”

I am a vindictive bitch…

No.
Do not adjust your monitors.

I am dressed in drag for Halloween.
I blame Faith for this… who blames Batgrl for this (who is currently dressed up as Jon Sullivan. are those two getting nauseating, or what?)

Batgrl *TRIES* to put the blame on poor innocent Nerdboy “I’m a fashion model” Mikey for this. Nice try.

Batgrl is simply a “PROBLEM ADULT”. She’s just not happy until she causes trouble somewhere.

At any rate, I am the keeper of the orange now. WORSHIP ME!!!!!

So, who is *YOUR* blog gonna be for Halloween?

Second Step Program

Forgive me, as this may take several drafts, I’m kind of distracted these days.

We had a function at the school on Wednesday, a spaghetti dinner for charity.

Mainly it was for a very young and attractive teacher to explain the Second Step Program. She seemed to pay extra attention to me during the dinner, and while giving the presentation, and it was hard to concentrate past her sparkling green eyes and her conservatively dressed, yet oh-so-gropable body.

What was I talking about? Oh yeah, the Second Step Program.
Anyway, I think it’s an interesting concept where kids are taught to resolve conflicts with empathy… basically getting inside the other person’s head and knowing how they feel. To systematically examine the problem and *both parties* work together to resolve it.

A lot of words were lost, as I was (as usual) doing another 48 hour day, and I could swear her blouse was unbuttoning by my sheer mental telepathy.

I can see this going one of two ways. I had a pretty fucked up childhood. I think most of us did, when you look back… being intimidated by bullies, made fun of, rejection, inadequacy…

Well, eye contact was out of the question… they were too dazzling, and the exploding peek-a-boo hooters forced me to keep drifting off into thoughts of fucking her brains out right there in front of the very uptight crowd… to I tried concentrating on what she said by watching her mouth. Those soft, moist, full lips, her eager… wet… mouth… just….

OH GOD… BRB!!!!

Okay, I’m back… where was I?
Oh yeah (I’m clear-headed now.)

I’m trying to imagine a world where kids are taught early on to resolve conflicts with cold reasoning, bullies putting themselves in the victim’s position and not picking on them anymore….

At face value, I think that’s awesome.

On the other hand, we ARE who we ARE, because of these traumatic childhood experiences.

  • Would I be as creative as I am now, if I didn’t retreat into a fantasy world as a kid?
  • Would I be as over-protective of my family as I am if I wasn’t fucked with and constantly tormented?
  • Would I be able to handle some of the situations I’ve been in with the same balls of steel if it *WEREN’T* for the trials by fire I had to endure early on?
  • I don’t know, I am so tossed up about this program. While every one is thinking about all the future Jeffrey Dahmers and D.C. Snipers being averted, I wonder how many kids will use the skill of “getting inside people’s heads” and becoming future Hannibal Lechters?

    Everyone sees a future of peace and harmony, and I’m seeing a generation of wimps not knowing what to do during a terrorist attack or a hostile army taking over.

    In the immortal words of Captain Kirk: “I NEED my pain.”
    I need my creativity, my wits, & my borderline-insanity to survive.
    I needed the events that shaped me into who I am… ‘cuz I kinda like me.

    I dunno, somebody give me some perspective here… tell me what *YOU* think about the program. Considering homicide is the #2 cause of death of our 12 to 24 year olds… maybe teaching kids to control their impulses and emotions early on is a good thing. Maybe I’m not seeing the big picture here, or are these people just too optimistic as I feel there will *ALWAYS* be a predator somewhere in the shadows of our society???

    I wonder if she’s listed in the phone book? :0)

    The First Amendment for dummies.

    (Does this sound like anyone you know? I can think of at least five people off the top of my head….)

    Idiot: “Dammit to hell, this ‘Freedom of Speech’ stuff is bullshit. We don’t have it!”

    Me: “Sure we do.”

    Idiot: “Everytime I open my mouth, someone attacks me in my comments.”

    Me: “Well, they have freedom of speech too, remember?”

    Idiot: “It’s not RIGHT!!!!”

    Me: “Yeah, that “freedom” stuff is a bitch, ain’t it?”
    Continue reading “The First Amendment for dummies.”

    Proudly powered by WordPress
    Creative Commons License
    EricBrooks.Com® is licensed under a Creative Commons License.

    Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.


    Connect