Category: The -=e=- Show

Inside my world of mayhem! I am a Problem Adult, what can I say?

The truth about boys, Uhm, I mean MEN…

Posted on by Eric Brooks

I posted this really frisky dream I had last night in someone’s comments section. Of course, not here… you’d have to know where to look.

Not that you *care*… I’m just saying. :0)

I would also like to add to the ongoing discussion, and confirm Miss Smarty pants’ allegation that men “stalk” too…

We sure do BAY-BEE!

  • I can’t tell you how many times my “Little Black Book” had numbers from girls whom I overheard giving it out to someone else, then I had to come up with some clever answer when they asked how I got their number…
  • Or how many times I’d take an alternate route home from school, for the sole purpose of following a girl (that usually didn’t even know I was alive) home…
  • Or my explaining to my boss that I was an hour and a half late because of “train problems” (which the “problem” entailed me getting off at a different stop, because that’s where a real cutie went..)

    • See? Sure us guys are generally dumb as posts… but we have our tactics too. :0)

    (*My apologies to any males who feel this is, in any way of a “betrayal”, giving out some of our tricks… but “wimmenkind” think we’re “totally dense” and, I’m trying to correct that*)

    In this day and age, maybe “stalking” probably isn’t the best word to use. But there is a *fundamental difference* between a guy following you around, trying to summon up the courage to ask you out… or an emotionally disturbed individual who wants to put your head in a jar of formaldehyde, okay? A *BIG* difference. :0)

    And if Ruth (from the third grade, whom I gave a black eye once) is reading this: I’m sorry…I *really* didn’t mean to hit you that hard, and *YOU’RE* the reason I am obsessed with redheads, baby! YOW!!!! :0)

    Of course, you’re, like, really friggin’ *old* now… EEP!

    An open apology to my “friends” is coming up… I didn’t mean for this to run so long…

    The truth about women…

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Here is a *GREAT* blog entry, for us men… also known as “The Dumber Sex“:

    “Men, did you honestly think that you saw us wherever you went due to some oddly karmic twist in fate? NO! It took a lot of hard work and dedication to just turn up when you least expected it, seemingly at random! ”

    Oh, well ain’t *THAT* the friggin’ truth!!!??!!??

    I remember when I used to hang out with my best friend John. He had a studio in the back room of his apartment, we did a lot of recording, or just hanging out.

    A lot of the times I was there, John’s wife, Janet, had a friend over. Made perfect sense. She and her friend, Carole both kept each other company while the “hotshot musicians” played in the back room.

    She also came bearing gifts too… my greatest weakness…FOOD. (I was surviving on ketchup sandwiches at that point.) Trays of it. She was a caterer.

    Well, even with her constantly around… it took “Mr. Badass Guitarist/Singer” weeks to finally get the courage to ask her for her phone number.

    … and it took *years* of marriage to Carole for her to finally admit it was a setup all along! Everytime Janet heard I was coming over, she called Carole.

    So HA! HA! on YOU Tess!!!! I’m blowing the whistle on you and, all of wimmen-kind!!!!!

    They’re plotting against us, guys!!! BE VERY AFRAID!

    And…and… they make you *fat*, so you’re repulsive to other women. That’s how they keep you.
    *PPPPTBBBTHHHHHHHHH!!!!!*

    P*ssy at my doorstep…

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Hey... it can happen??!!??Yeah, life is good.

    Carole heads off to work at night, and I have “Puddy” show up right at the door, just minutes after she leaves… like clockwork. It’s a nice feeling to have someone snuggle with me at night again.

    Carole knows, and has no problem with it. Truth be told, she’s actually encouraging it.

    “Puddy” is apparently a housecat that somebody no longer wanted (or lost). I can tell, because she’s still kinda fat, and relatively clean, even though she has no collar or tags. She shows up every night looking for something to eat.

     

    What did you *think* I was talking about?

    Now that we no longer have dogs to eat our leftovers… Puddy and I have a great working relationship. She also boosts the kid’s spirits (If you recall, the kids were taken away, without even given a chance to say “goodbye” to them.), since we’re not legally allowed to have pets anymore.

    Carole named her “Puddy Tat”. Original, no? This is the same person that named a black cat “Snowball” and an orange tabby “Dog” back in our N.Y.C. apartment when we first got married.

    I’m trying really hard to be the tough guy here…. enforcing it in
    everyone’s heads that we can’t keep Puddy as a pet.

    The other night, the kids took her in because she was crying from the flashing lightning… I crashed after doing an all-nighter and going straight to work.

    I was told Puddy spent the entire night sleeping on my chest.

    So here’s the situation:

    1) We can’t have pets…
    2) I hate cats…
    3) It’s EXTREMELY dangerous where we live. We spot bears crossing the road almost every day, looking for food for the upcoming winter (which is going to be a *BITCH*… you heard it here first!). We actually spotted a Bobcat on our property the other day, among other wild predators. Puddy won’t stand a chance out there alone. It’s just a matter of time before a wild animal either tears her to shreds, or gives her rabies.
    4) You should see the kids’ eyes light up every time Puddy shows up. They go outside and play with her, try to sneak her in… then I have to be the bad guy and put her back out.
    5) I’m probably more attached to this cat than I want to admit.

     

    So what the hell do I do now?
    Pictures of Puddy coming soon… (’cause I like to torture myself that
    way.)

    All moved in…

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    I’m currently working out the kinks with all of the new CGI settings, but for all intents & purposes, EricBrooks.Com is back in business.

    Back to school

  • The Adorable BrooksKidz are getting ready for the grueling task of getting up at 5am for the bus again…
  • Eastern Poconos Community News is running a special print (and online) edition about how the “Zero Tolerance” laws are affecting students across the country. 

    So what do *YOU* like/dislike about going back to school? 

    • Pocono Record: Under Siege!

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Yup… that’s your CyberPal, right there with the Editor, Publisher, and Editorial Editor… um, well, basically laughing at the buffoons picketing the Pocono Record. (Story at the Pocono Record site).

    David Kidwell/Pocono Record
    At the Pocono Record offices, staffers (from left) Web page designer Eric Brooks, Editor Kim DeBourbon, Publisher Carolynn Allen-Evans, Editorial page Editor Paula Heeschen.
    David Kidwell /Pocono Record

    Actually, we were *all* at the window chuckling at this makeshift parade… supposedly an unknown group of contractors protesting the way the Pocono Record has portrayed the home-building industry in Matt Birkbeck’s Special Report.

    Out of the 200 people there (I still say 130-150) there were, maybe, 30 men there, that could pass as contractors. The rest were women, children and dogs (with posterboards taped on their back).

    We’re all lined up against the windows, yelling “Hey pal, what’s under the kilt??!!??”, “What? no eggs or tomatoes?”. Photographers David Kidwell and Jason Farmer snapping up pics of the protesters outside.

    Well, that’s the front page of today’s Pocono Record. If you can get up here and grab a copy, hurry up, because it’s selling like hotcakes, and the same people holding up signs that say “BOYCOTT POCONO RECORD” are buying up 5 or 6 copies for their friends and family because their names & pictures are in the paper…

    Am I the only one who sees the irony in that? :0)

    Through the eyes of an eight year old…

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    I swore I’d never mention the kids or get personal on this site ever again, but this was too much.

    After last night’s entry, I was heading to grab a cigarette, where I heard Erika calling for me.

    “Daddy, can you stay with me until I fall asleep?”, she asked in her timid, squeaky voice, “I think I’m going to have a nightmare tonight.”

    I knew what was coming. I knew they shouldn’t have watched it. I even went to work an hour late to hear the all-too-graphic account of Timothy McVeigh’s execution. We were riveted. It was too compelling. It was good journalism. It was good tv.

    Daddy: “Wanna talk about it?”
    Erika: “Why did that man have to die?”
    Daddy: “He was a bad man, honey. He killed a lot of people.”
    Erika: “But the prison killed him. Isn’t that bad too?”

    Dammit to hell. Out of the mouths of babes.

    I usually have an answer for everything. What happened to mommy, why we’re living somewhere else, even why loved ones have to die… this time I was stumped. I couldn’t even rationalize it to myself.

    I am *SO* for the death penalty. I’m glad this war-hero-turned-killing-machine will never get a chance to repeat this atrocity again. Now that gurney is free for not only more killers, but drug dealers, rapists, hatemongers, child molesters, foreign and domestic terrorists, and mimes.

    But I feel as hollow and as empty as most of the family members/survivors who went to see this monster off into the next world.

    I know why he did it. Waco was this Country’s biggest fuckup/coverup since, well… ever! The difference? I watched it on the news, said: “wow, that was fucked up”, grabbed a coke and watched a comedy on channel 11. He blew up a building full of civilians who may or may not have felt the same thing. I’m sure the 19 children killed never heard of Waco, TX.

    Like John, I think this is far from over. There are more David Korresh’s and more Timothy McVeigh’s who are more than ready to take their place in Militias all over the United States.

    Yesterday, one of their “heroes” became a martyr.
    Having Janet Reno smirking on TV about it didn’t help either.

    I can’t explain this to an eight year old. I can’t explain how I tapped into the darkest depths of my soul yesterday, and mustered up all my anger and hatred toward another human being and was glad he paid the ultimate price… despite denying us, the “good” people of society, the satifaction of him suffering and begging that his life be spared. Even angrier that he “got off so easy”.

    We killed Timothy McVeigh to prove killing was wrong. For the first time in my life, I grasped that concept…. and *that’s* why I feel so hollow inside.

    Well, I could *try* to explain this… but this is what we’re supposed to be shielding our children from.

    I don’t want these people in the same world as my children. And I know one day I will no longer be around to protect them.

    I know too much… and I’d give anything to see the world through the eyes of an eight year old again.

    Y2k Revisited….

    Posted on by Eric Brooks

    Y2K Mike
    The web looks like it can use a laugh right about now.

    Remember what you were doing during Y2K?

  • Making sure you weren’t in an elevator or on a train?
  • Waiting for the Russian missiles to blow us to kingdom come?
  • Holding your breath when the clock struck midnight?
  • Not reading my Newsletter when I TOLD you nothing was going to happen????Well, I was running a series called “Y2K Mike” at the time. It started on New Year’s Day, and quite frankly the world was pretty sick of words like “Y2K” and “Millennium”, so I canned it and never finished it.

    Since we all like to get roped into tales of hardship that may/may not have happened… here is the harrowing tale of a survivalist and his wife being trapped in their Y2K shelter for nine horrible days, while his redneck buddies let them think the United States was destroyed (laughing their asses off above ground).

    A hoax you say?
    Please don’t insult me.
    I assure you the story of Y2K Mike is quite real*, and all the cynics can go to hell.

    *In light of this article, maybe I better flat-out say it’s a PARODY. Penned in January 2000, with a new shock ending rewritten last night, which you may find pretty amusing…

    …or not.

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    Disclaimer: The views expressed herein are solely those of Eric Brooks. They do not necessarily reflect those of his employers, friends, contacts, family, or even his pets (though my cat, Puddy, seems to agree with me on many key issues.). In accordance to my terms of use, you hereby acknowledge my right to psychoanalyze you, practice accupuncture, and mock you incessantly with every visit. As the user, you also acknowledge that the author has been legally declared a "Problem Adult" by the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania, and is therefore not responsible for any of his actions. ALSO, the political views and products advertised on this site may/may not reflect the views of Puddy or myself, so please don't take them as an endorsement. We just need to eat.

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